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Take your 'hot pants' to a truly cool guy

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend jokingly calls me "Hot Pants" because I'm always ready for sex. He isn't. That's why it's not a joke. He loves my loving and affectionate nature and my sense of humour, but I know he's calling me names to cool me off. It's working. I now feel ashamed of my high sex drive. Should I try to cool off or dump him? -- Passionate Woman, Tuxedo

Dear Passionate: Dump this guy on his head, girlfriend. Do you know how many men would love to have a warm, affectionate, loving, funny woman to cherish? Never stay with anyone who belittles you. You have so much to offer a great guy.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met the man of my dreams and I believed he felt the same. There was quite the age difference. I'm a minor, but only for a little longer. We met in person just once; the rest was over Skype. We conversed almost every day.

I made an attempt on my life and he obviously disapproved. Since then he has essentially shut me out. We spoke once since the attempt, only to have him tell me he needed time. I am alive, so why is he shutting me out? -- Help, Please! Winnipeg

Dear Help: People who are depressed and suicidal don't think of their emotional situation as a "weapon." But it is scary for another person to get involved, because the depressed person can always threaten to kill themselves if things go wrong and/or there's a breakup possibility. You probably don't realize how terrifying that is to someone who has started to care about you -- to think they are going to be held hostage emotionally if they stay involved, and could suffer a lifetime of guilt if things don't go your way and you kill yourself.

Your best move at this point would be to let this older guy drift away and invest all your energy in getting stable, so making an attempt on your life is no longer an option in your mind. Then a boyfriend can feel safe to be with you, or to break up, if either of you wants to at some point. You both need that freedom.

Do you have a psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor you see regularly? Do you know there are excellent support groups for all ages, resources and other help at the Mood Disorders Association downtown at 4 Fort St. (near Assiniboine Avenue)? The people there are kind and welcoming and it can be a weekly (or more) spot to go, for continued support.

If you are in crisis, you can call 24-hour Child and Adolescent Crisis Line: 204-949-4777 or toll-free 1-888-383-2776. Klinic operates a 24-hour telephone crisis line providing "counselling, crisis intervention, support, information, and referrals" at 204-786-8686. The toll-free line is 1-888-322-3019, and the suicide line 1-877-435-7170.

Of course, if you are feeling suicidal, you can go to the emergency department at different hospitals. And once you turn 18 you can go to the Mental Health Crisis Response Centre at 817 Bannatyne Ave. at Tecumseh Street, 24/7 (it also has staff psychiatrists and shorter wait times than at an ER), or call their mobile crisis unit at 204-940-1781.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This letter is in response to the young man who wants to know if he should stay with his high school sweetheart or go. At the tender age of 17 there are many things you're just not ready for, and marriage straight out of high school is one of them. A long-distance relationship is another. In the end, he will never know until he tries, so I say go for it, or always be left wondering.

My story? In high school, the guy from my very first long-term relationship moved out of the city. We both knew long distance would not work out. Yes, it hurt at the time but we both came to accept it and moved on with our lives. I got engaged to another man, had one child and was pregnant with another when he left me.

When my second son was just a couple months, old my old high school flame came back into my life. Even though I already had two children, he jumped in head first and has been more of a father to my boys than their father ever was. We also have a child together and that changed nothing. He treats them all as if they were his own. -- Worked For Me, East Kildonan

Dear Worked For Me: You were very lucky to come full circle and have your grown-up high school love step in at such a difficult time for you, and become a husband and father. People make some dumb choices -- and some excellent choices -- when they are young and not yet hardened or bitter from breakups.

You and your high school love did nothing worse to each other than parting ways so you could go have a normal young-life adventure. That's why it's so important to part with sadness instead of anger, if you possibly can, when there's a breakup.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 30, 2014 G4

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