Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Talk through the age difference

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm involved with a man who's 17 years older. We entered into this a year ago, agreeing we'd eventually split apart. As time went on, we became closer than either of us could have imagined -- extremely compatible. But, the age difference bothers him. He often worries about "stealing my 20s" from me, and my needs not being met. I know he worries out of love, but I also am capable (and currently do) take care of, and make sure my needs are met. Society's view on our relationship would also play a huge impact on his opinion. Although he looks a little older, he doesn't look 17 years older. Is there any way to talk to him about this, or is it a lost cause? I know he has deep feelings for me. I believe it's all about chemistry, compatibility and willingness to be together, not the age of a certain person. -- Falling in Love, But Lost, Winnipeg

 

Dear Falling: One out of two marriages made in the last two decades are breaking up. Maybe we have to rethink this whole life-long thing. Yes, you may end up together into old age, but you may break up somewhere along the way, too, like so many couples do. The biggest holdup for this relationship -- other than his attitude -- is children. Don't give up a huge life experience, like having your own babies, over a romance with an older guy. Yes, he may have some of his own to come and visit, but it's not the same. Good news: If you don't want any yourself, or he'd like to have some with you, you're at the same stage which means more than the same age. Reading between the lines of your letter, I'm guessing he wants sex less than you do, so that's why you're "taking care of yourself" to make up the difference. This could become an increasing problem. This is also about your older boyfriend and his needs. You may think you'd be fine looking after him when he's in his 70s and you're in your 50s, but he might not want to play the "old man" role in anybody's life, especially yours. Start the talking by asking what his feelings are about his role in this. If he thinks he'll end up losing his dignity, that's a huge loss that must be considered.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Here's another perspective on the man who says he only dates single moms. My friend is a father and his child lives in another province. He only gets to see her once a month. He dates women with kids because then he's sure that the women know what it's like to have children. One of his biggest worries is that he falls in love with a woman without kids, and she and his daughter don't get along. Then he would have to choose between his daughter and his girlfriend. -- Seeing it His Way, Winnipeg

 

Dear Seeing It: There have been several perspectives from readers on this, but I think it's still a red flag if someone says he only dates women with children. Your friend has a good reason, but some men do not. Rules like this about children should inspire some serious questioning as you don't want to invite a pedophile into your family. You can't be too careful about that.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 9, 2012 D5

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

Inside peek at Real Pirates, new Manitoba Museum exhibit

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • Two Canadian geese perch themselves for a perfect view looking at the surroundings from the top of a railway bridge near Lombard Ave and Waterfront Drive in downtown Winnipeg- Standup photo- May 01, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • JOE.BRYKSA@FREEPRESS.MB.CA Local-(Standup photo)- Humming Around- A female ruby -throated hummingbird fly's through the bee bomb  flowers Friday at the Assiniboine Park English Garden- Nectar from flowers are their main source of food. Hummingbirds wings can beat as fast as 75x times second. Better get a glimpse of them soon the birds fly far south for the winter - from Mexico to South America- JOE BRYKSA/WINNIPEG FREE PRESS- Sept 10, 2009

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Will you get out and vote for a new mayor and council?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google