DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best friend has never been married because he is a fetishist for shoes and boots, but not on a lady. He wears them himself in the privacy of his home. He doesn't think any woman will accept him the way he is, so he never lets himself get so close to a woman that she has to find out. He has his own apartment and is a very lonely guy. He's not gay. He's my best buddy and I am a lesbian. I'd like to offer him hope a woman will be OK with his fetish, but in truth, I cannot. What do you think? -- Looks Hopeless, Ft. Rouge
Dear Hopeless: Because his sexual stimulus is seeing the footwear on himself, there's not much room for a woman in the scene, unless she has some fetishes of her own that require his understanding, or she is simply very open-minded. He is more likely to find a woman who understands him in a dress-up situation, like a drag queen night where a few of the drag queens are women who like to dress up in outrageously extremely sexual clothing and makeup. The clothing and makeup is the focus for them, so they might understand a guy like him and be glad at the end of the night when they disrobe, that he is a male with desire for a female.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are both nighthawks, and he's a night runner -- a marathoner. Every weeknight we go to bed at 1 a.m. Then he gets up, five nights a week, and drives to his exercise starting point for 1:30 a.m. and goes for a long run. He has done this the last two years since he got his new job. He comes back around 5 a.m., gets back into bed and sleeps like the dead until 11 a.m. He has to be at work for noon. A neighbour of mine, who is also a runner, says he spotted my husband running by the road with a woman late at night and wondered if it was me. HA! My husband has never mentioned a woman running with him. I asked him about her, and he blushed to his ears and said she was a runner friend. Twenty minutes of grilling and he confessed to a sexual affair with this woman runner. Now he's grounded from running at night, swears he has stopped seeing her and that he never loved her anyway. He won't tell me who she is. Should I trust him? -- Broken-hearted & Suspicious, Charleswood
Dear Suspicious: You would benefit by being more suspicious rather than less! Nobody needs to run three and half hours, day or night, so what was he running the rest of the time? A scam. Note the coincidence of his having changed jobs and found a hobby at night. This woman likely works with him or does business with him, and you may know her by name so he refuses to identify her. They may still be seeing each other, but now it's at noon. You can't move on this until you know exactly what's going on. Hire a private detective to find out since he's unwilling to talk. Then take him to a relationship counsellor and get at the whole truth about your life. At that point, it's decision time.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6