DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got home from a trip to a sun spot with some single girlfriends and I must admit I had sex with someone. OK, I'll be honest. Two guys, so shoot me! My boyfriend had to stay home and work (that's all he ever does!) so I asked my single friends to go with me. I had one short hook-up and one five-day romance which is continuing on email and texting. My boyfriend has no idea I cheated, but he should probably get tested as there seems to be a little thing wrong. How do I tell him? He's going to be really mad! (As if he's never cheated on me!) -- Scared to Tell Him, Winnipeg
Dear Scared: You really got even! You got single girlfriends to go on a wild trip so he'd worry, then had sex with two guys, and got a sexually-transmitted disease/condition. It's time you two broke up, and he needs to know what's going on with you health-wise, and then go get tested. Ditto for the two guys you had sex with on the trip. There's no point in you and the local boyfriend wasting any more of each other's time, other than making sure both of you get diagnosed and treated. Tell him any way you have to but consider getting it done in person or on the phone. Texting of intensely personal messages like this is crass, but still better than not doing it at all.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The weekend's coming up and I told my wife I'd go with her to visit her mother. I hate her mother. She is an immature, insecure woman who flirts with every man in pants, including me, her daughter's husband. I need a way to stop her in her tracks. -- Had It! St. Norbert
Dear Had It: Next time mom-in-law pulls this, go get her daughter and bring the two of them face-to-face and say, "OK, your mother is flirting me with me again, and I need you to set her straight right now because it makes me uncomfortable." Then nobody can pretend anymore, and you are bring a standup guy.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6 or email email@example.com