Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Tell dishonest roommate to pack up and go

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found a wallet on the floor in my apartment with $200 in it, saw the ID, and gave it back to the person who had been at our party. I didn't know him well. My new roommate said, "You idiot! That was an easy $200 and he'd never have known, probably thought he lost it in the street somewhere. He's not even your buddy! Why did you do that?"

Now I'm really nervous about having this guy as a roommate. I talked this over with the third roommate and he said we have no grounds to throw him out except that he has low morals. Frankly, I'm nervous and am putting a lock on my door to use every time I go out because I have a lot of electronic equipment and other valuable things, I don't trust the guy alone in the place. How do we get him out? What if we tell him to get out, and he takes everything that isn't nailed down? I don't put anything past him now. -- Want Him Out, North End

Dear Want Him Out: Some people think it's OK to display dishonesty in front of friends or roommates, thinking they will believe they are exempt. But it doesn't work that way. If he can do it to someone -- anyone -- he has no taboo against stealing.

Get him involved in a discussion with you and your other roommate about the wallet incident. Tell him you don't feel good about the way he thinks and can't trust him anymore. He may tell you to get lost and pick up and leave. If he shows no signs of leaving on his own, you'll have to tell him straight out that he's got to go. Your home should be a place where you feel safe to keep your electronics and your wallet and to have people over, without their getting fleeced.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I read your column daily. I am absolutely repulsed by it and yet can't look away. I find it disturbing that virtually everyone cheats on their significant other. That's all you seem to have come to talk about in your column these days. You're called Miss Lonelyhearts, not Miss Maury Povich.

Hearing about cheating day after day is making me lose faith in humanity and relationships. Maybe brighten up the column a bit with someone who deserves advice instead of pathetic excuses for a significant other. I would just like to say that I WILL be the exception. I love my boyfriend very much and when you love someone, you stay true to them and worry about making them happy, not yourself. Anyone who cheats should not be able to have the pleasure of another's companionship. -- Loyal Girlfriend and Longtime Reader, Wpg

Dear Loyal Girlfriend: People don't generally write me when they are happy in their relationships. They write at crisis time. I did years of face-to-face counselling with clients and I can tell you that when a relationship hits the skids, one or both partners are often looking at other people for validation and warmth. Some are just looking sympathetic talk, others for sex, because they've been on the couch so long and they're hoping for a miracle that isn't coming. I'm glad you and your boyfriend are so happy. Keep up the great attitude.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why do people so often marry someone who is exactly like one of their parents? I went around a table of my oldest friends and said to myself: "She's married to someone just like her mother, he's married to someone like his stepmom, and she's married to a replica of her father." Can't they think for themselves? -- Messed Up, Winnipeg

Dear Messed Up: No, they can't. They are emotionally drawn to a person and it's often the type of person who mirrors the way their parents behaved -- for better or worse. If a person picks someone like the parent they had the most trouble with, they often try to "make it right" in the new relationship. But the aloof love partner, just like the aloof parent, stays aloof. Why? Because that's who he or she is, deep inside. They may have been less so in the first three months when everybody tries to be on their best social behaviour, but there was always a touch of aloofness.


Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 10, 2014 D4

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