DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm engaged to be married in a few months and my best friend has just moved away with a broken heart because I didn't choose him as a husband. This week, I have realized I can't live without him. At the last terrible moment, I know for sure I am in love with him. I don't want my fiancé as a husband anymore, though he is a great guy. Please tell me what to say to him and all the people involved in my wedding. Even if my best friend doesn't want me anymore -- he swore he did when he left, but he is so bitter I don't know for sure -- I am going after him. He lives in another province now. Now how do I tell everybody the horrible truth, which is that I have been in love with my best friend all along and didn't know it? -- Terrible Fiancée, Winnipeg
Dear Terrible: Tell your parents first. Then tell your fiancé the truth next, in its entirety, as he will find out very soon anyway when you go off chasing your best friend. If you don't tell him first, he will think of that news bulletin from friends as a second betrayal. He needs to see your eyes and hear it from your lips -- the regrettable truth. Your parents can be waiting outside in the car. His best friend and parents should be alerted to be nearby to comfort him. It will be a terrible shock and he will need support but you can't go through with the wedding to him knowing what you do about your true feelings. It's better you end it now than at the altar, which can scar people for life. Tell your wedding party next, as simply as you can. Frankly, the guests don't care. By the way, do not use any of the previously made wedding arrangements for your marriage to your best friend, if that transpires.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm sitting in a booth at a restaurant sending this to you. Every day I come here at the same time because she, the love of my life, comes here at the same time to study. I pretend to be studying but I am falling in love with her eyes, her nose, the shape of her mouth. She smiles at me a lot and I am in heaven. But I never do anything, because I am not a stalker, and don't want to encroach on her private space. What can I possibly do? -- Man Sized Crush, Fort Garry
Dear Crush: The drip-drip-drip method so popular in advertising is based on the idea that if you make small contact with a person seven times, you will become "familiar" to them and a part of their circle of acquaintances. That means you need to walk by three times and just say hi. Then say, "Hi, how are you today?" for two more days and then "Hi, I see you here often. What are you studying?" And finally, "Would you like to join me for a break at my table. Can I treat you to something?"
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I busted my leg playing hockey and I have been sitting around, gaining weight, watching TV and playing games online. My girlfriend called me porky last night when we were in the bedroom and pinched up a big roll of fat around my middle. When it came to my making the big move, I couldn't make it. She said, "You're all upset because I called you porky, aren't you?" I denied it as hard as I could. Now I feel really self-conscious about being fat. How do I get past that, other than telling her to get lost until I lose the weight. -- Porky Pig? Winnipeg
Dear "Porky": Your girlfriend has a mean mouth. You love her so much you want to keep her? Then tell her off, because she needs to make some major changes in the way she treats you, or she needs to hit the road.