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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Tell friend to stop whining about wait for married lover
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a friend who's involved with a married man. He seems to be feeding her all of the classic lines: wife doesn't understand him; they live separate lives; he only stays because of the children; and so on. He claims to be in love with her, and while he spoils her rotten (gifts, trips, money), he won't leave his wife until he has all of the financial arrangements made, which apparently, is in the distant future. I think my friend's being fed a line by a very smooth operator. I think my friend is making a huge mistake in waiting for this guy, but she doesn't want to hear it. Also, when this affair goes south, I will end up being the shoulder she cries on. -- Friend of the Mistress, Winnipeg
Dear Friend: Tell your friend you'll be there to comfort her if she and the married man break up, but you can't listen to any more of the endless complaining that goes with waiting years for him. Tell her it "hurts" you to listen. Then change the subject immediately. As you train her away from talking to you on this subject, she may drift away to being closer with another friend. Take that risk. So how about you? What is going on in your love life? Do something about that to make yourself busier and happier, and it'll be easier to stop being an enabler.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 31, and in love with a woman of 30, who says she loves me. We don't have intercourse, although we do everything else. She says she's saving intercourse with me for marriage. This means I will have to marry her to get the thing she won't give me willingly, and that makes me worry she's quite able to hold out on important things to me. Neither of us are virgins, and I'm a nice, trustable guy so I don't get it. What do you think? -- Hesitating On The Ring, St. Boniface
Dear Hesitating: Think about how much more you'd want to buy her a diamond ring if she wasn't using a prod to get it. You're wise to be worried. These are the whisperings of the heart you'll wish you'd listened to once you marry this woman. She may stop talking whenever you annoy her, or withhold attention when she doesn't like the sports you're interested in, or stop making love totally to bend your will once you're legally attached. In modern times most people of a certain age give themselves physically to each other without conditions and decide to live together or get married according to how they feel about each other emotionally.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts, c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave,. Wpg, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 15, 2012 D5
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