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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Tell her what she can expect with your ex
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A woman I've known of for years, but was never friends with, has become somewhat chummy. I noticed more texts and emails when my engagement was announced online. While telling me how happy she was for me, she also tells me she's had a relationship going on for the past few months with my ex-boyfriend. The guy was abusive and a loser. I was in a dark place while I dated him and I'm no longer there. Now this woman is bragging to me about how happy they are and how their relationship is built on trust and communication. That made me laugh and I suddenly lost what little respect I had for her. My reply back to her was, "I'm pretty shocked that you've only told me this now. Does he know you've been talking to me this whole time?" I'm sure he'd be unimpressed if he wasn't already behind it. Do I wait for a reply? Maybe send her some unknown truths about our relationship and why I ended things? Is that what she's looking for, or only bragging rights? -- Not Impressed. Winnipeg
Dear Not Impressed: It's important to be nice in life, but not stupid-nice. This woman is bragging to you because your ex is treating her to the initial chocolate mousse stage of a relationship before he gets to the abusive part. Since she has been so bold as to try to befriend you so she can brag and try to make you feel badly, let her know what she can expect in the future. You've warned her, and she needed to be warned. You've also gotten even by bursting her bubble. Sometimes a person has to play tough, so she's not seen as a victim. Then let it all go by blocking further communication.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in love with a guy in a band. I have gotten to the point where I don't want to go and see him play every night -- OK, I hardly go at all. He's good looking and other women are there giving him the eye and trying to talk to him at breaks. How can I protect my interests, without being there every night? -- Love Him Deeply, North End
Dear Love: How does he know what you're doing when he's tied up playing in the band every night? He just trusts you. That's what you have to do, but here's a hot tip from someone who's had a relationship with a guy in a band. Show up once a week and give him some support -- and also keep a discreet eye on things. If the same woman is showing up every time you're there and seems to be playing up to him, look for a chance to accompany her to the bathroom and let her know calmly but clearly he's your man. Usually, that's all it takes as her "relationship" with him so far, is based on fantasizing. She doesn't know the real situation. Or, in a worse case scenario, he may be seeing her after the show -- all of her -- and she may just tell you that.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 17, 2012 D4
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