Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Tell hubby to apologize, change his behaviour

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a good guy underneath but he has a tendency to cut people off thinking they will smarten up and then he can allow them back into his life later. This has worked on a couple of siblings. But, then he pulled it with his best friend and his buddy said "Right, I won't be back." My husband is now distraught because his best friend won't come crawling back like his two sisters did, promising to be nice. My husband is 28 and has a lot to learn about human behaviour. His dad's side are cutter-offers too. Some of the brothers don't speak to each other for years, and then it's on again, no explanation. They meet up at a family gathering and start talking again. My guy has seen his dad and uncles all do this. I tried to explain to him that not everyone thinks that way. He keeps trying different bribes to this friend -- email offers of tickets to games and concerts, golf tournaments he'll pay for. It's pathetic to watch. This guy is not biting. What should I advise my husband? -- Watching Him Hurt, St. James

Dear Watching: Tell him his only chance is to apologize and to explain where he got this behaviour and how he has now learned it is the wrong thing to do. The friend may soften, but not if there is no apology, no recognition of the hurt caused and a promise not to do it again. Perhaps you could work on your husband by explaining how he should behave when people close to him disappoint or hurt his feelings. He needs new information desperately. Most people can't get rid of an old belief or behaviour until they can replace it with something that makes better sense or could work for them. They just can't bear to have an empty pigeon hole, no matter how bad the old stuffing is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out driving in the rush hour traffic, worrying about my marriage which is going down the crapper, when this woman pulled out in front of me and I crashed into her bumper. We both got out of our cars and she said, "How stupid can you be? Why don't you look where you're going?" and I went into severe road rage. Another man came along and said I'd have to simmer down or he was calling the police on ME to take me away. I have had enough trouble with the cops, thank you. I threw my information at her and she gave hers to the other guy to hand to me, and we went our separate ways. When I told my wife, all she said was "Too bad he didn't call the cops on you." Isn't she supposed to be on my side?!! Then I blew up at her and she said. "You blow up one more time and I WILL leave you and take the kids. I went to the bar and got hammered. When she got home she was crying and she said, "I love you but you scare me and I am leaving you in a month." What can I do to stop her? -- Love Her So Much, Elmwood

Dear Love Her: Forcefulness and anger isn't working for you, and it's certainly not going to work on your wife. Instead of negotiation or persuasion or sweet talk, you try to force everyone to do what you say or accept your nasty insults. They get their backs up and YOU lose every time. The end result is no one is doing your will or even listening to your words because they are verbal assaults. Promise your wife you will get anger management happening right now. You wrote me on a computer so type in "anger management counselling Winnipeg" and look for several appropriate counselling services and start phoning around. Your work may even pay for a portion or all of it. The counseling will help you in all your relationships -- work, home, children, strangers in traffic. It is the best investment a rage-aholic can make. Don't tell your wife until you have an appointment, and try to make an emergency one for this week.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 21, 2012 D5

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

Winnipeg Cheapskate: Cheap summer weekends

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • JOE BRYKSA/WINNIPEG FREE PRESS Local-(Standup photo)- A wood duck swims through the water with fall refections in Kildonan Park Thursday afternoon.
  • A nesting goose sits on the roof of GoodLife Fitness at 143 Nature Way near Kenaston as the morning sun comes up Wednesday morning- See Bryksa’s Goose a Day Photo- Day 07- Web crop-May 09, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

What should the city do with the 102-year-old Arlington Street bridge?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google