DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Driving to the lake two weeks ago, I was sitting in the back seat. My brother was driving with his girlfriend in the front, laughing about something and the music was blaring. Suddenly, my best friend, who is my brother's best friend, grabbed my face by the lower jaw and planted a great big kiss on me. I was so shocked that when I finally broke free I jumped way over plastered to the window, and stared out with tears running down my face. No, It wasn't rape but it wasn't a kiss I didn't want or consent to. He held my face in a vice grip and kissed it, tongue and everything. Was I wrong to feel violated? I did! I stayed away from him at the lake and barely spoke to him.
Since we've been home he has been emailing and texting to apologize but he's someone I don't recognize. He said that every minute since he first met me, he had wanted to do that kiss, and he was pretending to be my best friend to be close to me. Miss Lonelyhearts, I told him ALL my secrets when I thought we were best friends! But I never thought for one minute of being his girlfriend as I am not attracted to him that way AT ALL. he says his heart is breaking. What do I owe to him, if anything? He's 28 and I'm 18. -- Still In Shock, St. Vital
Dear Shock: Tell him you feel he got your life story and your most intimate secrets by pretending to be your friend, when really he wanted something else. You don't feel the chemistry that he feels, and you were shocked when he grabbed your face and forced the kiss on you. Tell him he betrayed your trust in him, trying to get to you as a lover. The age difference is important here. Tell him to pick on women his own age after this, and you will befriend people closer to your age so you can't be so easily tricked.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My third cousin calls me whenever she's had too much to drink at the bar, and says "things" to me. She tries to get me going on the phone, and then invites herself over. I say, "Don't come because I won't open the door." I didn't hear from her for a new months and then last week she called sober, saying she's been to rehab. I thought I should meet her for coffee, when she asked me to so humbly, but when we were talking over coffee, she then asked for a dinner date. I made excuses. Then she said, "You just don't want me because I'm your cousin." I was fed up, and left. She's been calling and texting and Facebooking me all week. Help! What should I do? -- Third Cousin's Prey, Osborne Village
Dear Prey: She's shifted her addiction to you, now she's off her old substance of choice. Next time you talk to her, tell her that you're going to block her if she doesn't stop trying to contact you and that she needs to talk to her counsellor about what she's doing on the phone. Tell her you don't want her chasing you because you are definitely not interested, and wouldn't be even if she weren't a cousin. Then hang up.