DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 30, have a great job, am fit, energetic, athletic, getting further education and interested in men much older than me. I don't look my age, which probably has something to do with it. I don't find men my age mentally stimulating. I can communicate better with people much older than me. I find guys my age or slightly older more attractive in appearance but then I get bored and it ends. How do I get out of my head that the people who stimulate me have to be old? I find I intimidate people my age, but much older men understand me. I can be me with professional people I come across at school, work, sports. I believe it's because they have lived. My dad just shakes his head, because they come closer in age to him than me. It freaks him out. I'm ready to be swept off my feet, mentally and physically, and I believe it's not going to happen with anyone close to my age. I know one person who has a successful age-gapped marriage and now she's in her 40s, and is looking after her sick older husband. That doesn't appeal. Please advise. -- Deep in Thought, Winnipeg
Dear Deep: Look for a guy about five to 10 years older who's doing something seriously important with his life. For instance, a guy who's been through medical school and is working in life-and-death situations in a hospital, might be the kind of guy for you. He'll have seen and experienced more, and be much more mature than the guys your age. Ditto for a man who has his own business, or any another job with serious responsibilities. And, what do you have to offer an older man other than your smarts, you admiration and youthful beauty? What have you accomplished? Think about developing yourself to the point where you could hold an older man's interest way past a physical affair. P.S. If you insist on a man who's 20 years older, and in better condition than guys half his age, you need an aerobic athlete who's into healthy living, like a runner, swimmer, cyclist or racquet sport player -- not a guy on a golf cart.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy in his 20s in a bakery. I was behind him in line studying his back and shoulders. OK, his butt. He must have felt me staring because he turned around and smiled at me. When he turned to leave, he gave me a cupcake and slipped me a scribbled home phone number. I wondered, "Is he crazy, or just clever, charming and unusual?" Hmm. I decided to find out, but when I called, a woman answered and I hung up quickly. Does he have a wife, a live-in? I slammed that phone down, saying nothing. Was that the right thing to do? -- Did I Jump to Conclusions, South St. Vital
Dear Jump: Look, if he left you his name and his number, you can call a second time and this time tell his mom or sister or female house mate to ask him to call you back. If it's his wife, then he is crazy and he deserves to catch the hell he's going to get when he gets home. But, likely as not, he just a 20-something who lives with friends or family, and this woman was one of those people. Get on that phone before he forgets about you, and leave a message, Cupcake Girl. He sounds like fun!
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