Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

There's no good reason for guy to keep you away from his friends

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a 31-year-old female and have been dating a really great guy, who's about my age, for five months. I'm quite happy, except it's starting to bother me I haven't met any of his friends, nor has he met mine. He is open to meeting my friends and I have invited him to various get-togethers, though he hasn't been able to attend any due to his rigorous work schedule.

I have not been invited to anything involving his friends. He mentions this or that event or person or group of people, including names and details about how much fun it's going to be, but the invitation to me is never extended. Tonight when we were making plans for the weekend he said, "I'm supposed to have plans with friends Friday or Saturday, not sure yet. But whatever night that is, I'll see you on the opposite night."

He is actually making it obvious now that I am a separate part of his social life and I can't understand why. I don't know if he is embarrassed about me, even though I can't think why, as I am a normal person with a career, house and hobbies, nothing to be ashamed of. I think we should be at a point in our relationship where we are socializing with each other's friends. How do I bring this up without sounding petty, jealous, psychotic or any other negative thing? Am I right to be upset or am I overreacting? -- Invisible Woman, Windsor Park

Dear Invisible: If this guy is so busy with work he can't accept an invitation to see your friends, where is he getting so much time to see his friends? A guy who is falling for a woman wants to show her off to his friends and family within the first weeks or couple of months. It sounds like he doesn't see this relationship as a keeper, so he can't be bothered to get anyone else involved. Either that, or he has another girlfriend that all his friends know.

Curious sorts would argue it's time to put on your Sherlock hat and find out what he's up to. Others would say it's enough to call an end to this, after the insulting offer he just made to you -- you get the time that's left over, after seeing his "friends." He might has well have said, "Honey, you come second." As long as you don't know his friends personally, you can't check up on him, and you also don't know if one of those friends is his other girlfriend.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My confidence has crumbled in a heap. My boyfriend and I had too much to drink and decided to play truth or dare. One of the truths he told me was he doesn't really like my body. When asked him why, he drunkenly said "It's too, uh, lumpy... but I love you anyway!

Now I don't want to get undressed in front of him or have sex with him. He says I'm overreacting and being too sensitive. Last night he asked why we hadn't had sex in two weeks. I opened my mouth and this came flying out: "Because you don't excite me any more. You're too small!" He said, "That was dirty payback." Then he walked out the door and hasn't called or texted since. Is it over? -- Lumpy, West End

Dear Lumpy: That should do it. There are lines you can cross in a relationship where you just can't get back. The lumpy word has stung you so deeply you're even signing yourself that way. Telling him he's small -- and we know exactly what you meant by that -- will have wounded him deeply. Saying you're sorry doesn't obliterate the insults you have hurt each other with, and it sounds like you're young and can start fresh elsewhere, with a check on both of your tongues and your liquor consumption.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm so hungry I can hardly stand it, all the time. I'm on a strict diet for my diabetes and I crave sugar constantly. I can't take a lot of those fake sugars in the diet candies because they make me run to the bathroom. I waste a lot of time eating other stuff instead of sugars, and don't get the sweet taste I want so badly. -- Crazy For Sugar, Winnipeg

Dear Sugar: Just because you're diabetic doesn't mean you should be constantly hungry and jonesing for sugar all day. You need the services of a dietitian to address your nutritional needs -- and your desire for comfort food. Ask you doctor for a reference to a reputable one.

If you're looking for a natural sugar, Stevia comes from a plant and doesn't have an aftertaste. There are even soft drinks made from it now, called Zevia, available in the big-box grocery stores and some health-food stores, plus you can buy it in packets for coffee, and boxes for baking. Talk to a dietitian ASAP, so you don't start sneaking chocolate bars for big hits and doing harm to your body. Hmm. Have you been doing that already? Usually a person's craving for sugary treats dies down after a week or two of being off them.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 9, 2014 A1

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