DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My 48-eight-year-old aunt just came to visit from South America and, as her teenage nephews say, "She da bomb!" She is built and very sexy and funny with her crazy accent. Everyone who meets her loves her, especially the old fellow who lives downstairs from me (I live in a house made up of different suites). He can't leave us alone, he is so nuts about her. He is 64 and she's younger by 16 years. She thinks he's "nice but bo-rrring." Today he showed up with a ruby and diamond ring that used to belong to his wife, who died. She said "no" so nicely he wasn't the least bit insulted.
This morning, I heard from the other house tenant that this man is saying, "'I just need to get her her own diamond ring and she'll say yes." No! He doesn't need to do this.
My aunt was horrified when she heard about it. She wants him to leave her alone now, but she doesn't want to hurt him and there is still another month left of her visit. How does she nicely tell him to forget her? -- Worried Niece, Wolseley
Dear Worried: She has to spell it out quickly before he goes shopping for a diamond. He isn't a man who takes hints and he believes his fantasies are real. This will take some straight talk. She may be OK with being casual friends, but much less close than he wants.
How about a script for her that goes like this: "You are a nice man, but I'm not wanting a romance with you or any other man in Canada. I'm simply here for a visit with my niece and want to spend as much time with her as possible. If I have a new romance, I want it to be in my home country with a man who speaks my language and has grown up in my culture, but I am flattered by your interest and thank you for your compliments."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am bowlegged. I wear wider-legged jeans so it isn't so obvious. My new girlfriend has finally seen me with my jeans off and she laughed when I walked down the hallway in my underwear. I know I was being over-sensitive, but I put my jeans back on and went home embarrassed. She said she couldn't believe I had a "hissy fit" and went home upset. She said she only laughed because her family always teases each other about body faults. She said she's delighted because I am bowlegged and she is pigeon-toed and we make a funny pair. Ha, ha. Very funny. Is there any hope for us? I think I'm falling in love with her. -- Ugly Guy, St. Boniface
Dear Guy: It's better to be with somebody who isn't into laughing about body faults, but you love who you love! You may have to ask this teaser to take you off her list of people she can bug about looks, then give her a different experience. Tell her how much you love her unique feet and toes. She may never have had loving praise from anyone about something that's been an object of ridicule from her family. I once had a good-looking boyfriend with pointy ears he hid under his hair and I swear they were the cutest thing about him to me.
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