Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Time to ditch Prince Uncharming

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband finally admitted he's fallen in love with another woman, but says he hasn't acted on those feelings. He says it's because he's a co-dependent (so concerned with rescuing he doesn't think about his own life). He rescued me, and when I started feeling better about myself about two years ago and didn't need him to emotionally prop me up anymore, he effectively lost interest in me. I'm at a loss as to what to do. We've lived as roommates the last two years. He's in love with her because he feels she needs rescuing. This is the second time he's done this to me and blamed me! It worked, because I have a damaged soul from childhood abuse. The sad part is he did this to me at a time in my life when I was finally starting to feel better and happy. I am a stronger, more independent woman now and I can see in hindsight it was his co-dependent behaviour that destroyed our love the first time. Until a few months ago I told him I would wait for him to figure himself out. Yes, he's getting counselling. I don't know how long I can continue to live like this. I read a saying the other day that I can't get out of my head. "It's better to be alone than it is to be with someone who makes you feel alone." What do you think? -- Lost and Alone, Winnipeg

Dear Lost: This is a real waste of your life! You've hung around wasting two of the healthiest years of your life being a co-dependent to a co-dependent. His drama is more compelling to you than going on with your own life independently. You need to break away from this guy rather than sticking around to rescue him, or to watch your self-esteem go down the drain until you need rescuing again by the fake prince. He's not he only man in the world, though you mistakenly think so. If you say goodbye you will finally have a chance to choose a nicer, healthier guy. It will require some effort, but it can be done.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a 19-year-old full-time working woman, with five older siblings. Four of them are working full time, but my one brother is a constant mooch. He's always asking for money from family and friends, especially our parents. We are a year apart and he doesn't understand how to budget his money properly. Since I still live at home with my parents, I get to hear all the ranting and complaining about him. He is now expecting a child with his girlfriend and has debt into the thousands. How can I get him to grow up and figure out that he can't keep acting like a 14-year-old and to stop asking my parents to fund his life? -- Sister With Concerns, Interlake, Man.

Dear Sister: Are you paying rent to your parents and a fair portion of the water, heat and hydro and food? If not, you're getting a lot of extras at 19 by living with mom and dad. So, at this point you have no business lecturing your brother. But, you can refrain from lending your brother any money and ask your parents not to complain about him all the time if they're going to continue supporting his laziness. They will probably tell you to zip it. Once you actually move out, you're in a position to lecture your brother all you want, if you can get him to listen to you.

You can email problems to lovecoach@hotmail.com or write letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 4, 2012 D3

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