Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Time to move out on boyfriend if he hangs onto bossy female

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently moved in with my boyfriend who'd been sharing with roommates including his female best friend. I tried to befriend her -- not reciprocated. While they lived together, she enforced rules over him like a curfew of 10 on weeknights, nailing blankets to the bathroom door to "drown out the sound of him throwing up, and yelling at him to do dishes immediately after returning home from the hospital. When she moved out, she did zero cleaning, but she's demanding I give her money for her damage deposit. Long story short, she texts my guy continually, and insists on hanging out privately with him. I trust him completely, but not her. But, I don't want to be the girlfriend that tells her boyfriend he can't have female friends. What should I do? -- Insecure, Winnipeg

Dear Insecure: Let her have it and lay down some standards for your continued relationship with him. He doesn't mind standards or bossy women, Plus, he takes the path of least resistance. He also doesn't seem to care about how you feel about her, nor does he stand up for you. Maybe it's time for you to move out, and move on. This doesn't sound like a good situation for you. He's still attached to her in a unhealthy way, and she thinks she possesses him. You're on the outside, alone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The is in response to "Torn" who married her third love and now is infatuated with a fourth. It struck me like a lightening bolt I was once her mirror image, but a male. Years ago, I had many "loves," but only one true female friend. There came a time, after my friend was divorced from her abusive husband, when I had to make a choice between her and a sexy young lady in my office. For once my mind, not my "head" made the right decision and we had a wonderful love for 30 years until she passed away recently. This is advice is for Torn: Why were you looking to find a fourth love of your life when your married, have money, feelings and friendship invested with the third love of your life? Grow up; infatuations are great for our egos but real love means you turn your back on them and work on making your marriage better. You may still look great at 30, how about 40, 50, 60? What counts is what's inside your heart and I suspect that's what you have to work on, or down the road you'll forever regret it. -- Lucky to be Saved, Winnipeg

Dear Lucky: Usually the grass appears greener on the other side of the fence when a cloud perches over your present relationship and casts a shadow. Things are bound to go wrong here and there in a marriage and if one's habit is to jump the fence at the first sign of trouble, you'll be tempted to do it again. Some people don't even need a problem to make them look at someone new. They are just novelty-seekers. For those people, the new model will always look better than the old model. Certain movie stars have married what looks like the new version of the same type over and over again, and leave a trail of broken hearts and children. They crave the high of a new romance, and would be better off not marrying and doing the family thing.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 29, 2012 D4

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