DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I speak for many women when I say boys and men can be gross. When it comes to showering, I really wonder if men wash all their nooks and crannies. My boyfriend somehow misses. Either that or he uses the bathroom after he showers because some days he stinks so badly it's a huge turn off. I don't know how to mention it without totally upsetting him. I've mentioned in passing many times that if I smelled bad for him to tell me, which hasn't happened. I am horrified he may not tell me, as I am not really telling him. It seems my hints aren't sticking and it's getting too be too much for me. Should I just have the blunt conversation about it? I wouldn't do it over dinner or during sex, but I need to find the gentle words. -- Turned off! Winnipeg
Dear Turned Off: Ask him if he would like you to be really turned on to him. That's a no-brainer and he'll say yes, of course. Then add, "Want to know what works for me? I love how you smell when you just come out of the shower -- your skin and your wet hair -- and it's a real turn on if you shower before you come to bed at night to make love with me." Buy him shower gel and a light cologne you both really like by shopping together. Make it a positive thing.
If he still doesn't make any changes, then you tell him bluntly. If even that doesn't work, move on. He'll be a stinker for life! You don't want a lifetime of this. Lots of guys are clean and smell great, so find one. Some like to be smelly and feel quite comfortable with it, and you can't fight that, so don't even try.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a hot guy at a club last night and we were messing around outside in my car. I tried to get him to come home to my house for something really hot, and he said no. He said he "wasn't up to it." I knew very well he was up to it because there was ample proof, but he didn't want to follow me home. I thought he wanted me and desired me. What happened? I drove home feeling confused and a little sorry for myself. There's no taboo against a guy having sex on the first night and I was a woman in need of some lovin'. Do you think he didn't like me, or could there be some other problem? -- Rejected and Dejected. Wolseley
Dear Rejected: The body has a will of its own, so he was aroused playing around with you in the club and outside in your car, but the thought of getting out of that warm sexy car, then starting his own freezing car, and then driving to a stranger's house may have seemed daunting. It would to most women. His body may have been willing, but the arousal wasn't sustainable and his brain just wasn't into it. Maybe his heart wasn't into it either: perhaps he had just broken things off with somebody or he didn't feel a friendly-enough connection to have full-on sex with you yet. Also, he may have a girlfriend to go home to, or a woman he wants more than he wants you. You just met this guy, after all!
Don't waste time worrying about your pride and the "rejection." It had nothing to do with your sexual attractiveness -- his body already proved that. By the way, there are a lot of guys out there who don't want sex on the first date. Some will take it because they haven't had sex for a while, or feel pressured to do it by the woman. This guy just decided he needed to leave. Neither man nor woman should have to justify their feelings about these decisions. Be a gentlewoman and let this be.
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