DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm going crazy with perimenopausal hot flashes. I'm an office worker and I run into the snack room and open the fridge freezer and stick my head in. Sometimes I just want to take off all my clothes at my desk. Recently another single woman who's going through the same thing met up with me in the snack room at the same time and we both had our heads in the cool freezer air together. We ended up laughing so hard we suddenly kissed each other on the mouth. You heard me. We were both shocked. Was it a moment of human relief or has this been coming? We're not best friends at work, but she is very attractive. Is this what happens to some women in menopause? Do some cross over? -- Shocked, Westwood
Dear Shocked: This is not a usual reaction, but anything can happen in life. We are on a continuum of sexuality and can shift up and down with life experiences. At this point, if you don't feel the urge to make another move, all you should do is wait and see what happens. Maybe it was a one time thing -- a moment -- or maybe it is part of something more. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just wait and see.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, let's just say it right out, people: Married sex is crummy compared with a living-apart romance or sex during an affair. In married sex, you take your clothes off, jump into bed, turn to each other without so much as a how-do-you-do and then get it over with so you can get some sleep. How can married people change this once they're in the rut? I love my wife (we're both in our late 40s) but it's so boring in bed. Should I just have a discreet affair? I'm too young to die sexually and there is an accountant at work who seems interested. -- Unhappy Husband and Father, St. Boniface
Dear Unhappy Husband: The worst move you can make is to try to cut someone out of the group of attractive women at your workplace as your "secret" paramour. Good luck. You could at least ask your wife what she thinks the two of you might try to challenge the boredom you both feel. That would be the smartest thing to do. Striking off into the night looking for a bar and a lonely woman is another common (but dumb) idea. At least talk to your wife. Who knows? She may have some unfulfilled fantasies or ideas of her own. She may even want an open marriage experiment, then you can both have an affair openly. But the old office temptation? It's a bit like drinking poison, fella.
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