DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My friend and I got into a recent squabble about her ex. She has a huge hate on for him because he broke up with her, and then made out with another girl after they had broken up. It has been way over a year since they broke up.
She is now claiming he sexually assaulted her. Her opinion of sexual assault is different than my opinion. She says that he performed oral sex on her and she didn't want it. The thing is, she didn't say no or tell him to stop. She let him continue. She claims she was pressured and he should have verbally asked her if he could perform the act.
She claims to be a huge feminist, but even I know as a woman I have the right to say no, no matter what. She wouldn't stop talking about it with me and I kept refuting her serious accusations because I believe that isn't sexual assault and it could ruin his future. She also doesn't want to criminally charge him. She just wants to hold it against him for the rest of his life.
I am sick of fighting about it with her, so I told her to never talk to me again. She said, "Fine, talk to me again when you apologize." I now see her entire Facebook wall is covered with posts about sexual assault. She is obsessed and it is scary! I believe she could benefit from seeking professional help, but she refuses to listen. I feel he should know what she is saying about him, but I don't want to get in the middle of it. What should I do? -- Concerned, Winnipeg
Dear Concerned: Anybody who is being slandered on a serious matter like sexual assault deserves to know so they can defend themselves -- with legal help, if necessary. It's her word against his, and people may find it difficult to believe. This former friend of yours needs to get help from somebody who has experience dealing with sexual assault. Whether or not there was assault, she believes there was, and it is damaging her.
She can phone the Klinic sexual assault line 24/7 to begin a conversation with someone who understands how to help people who are feeling traumatized by a sexual experience. Silence is not consent. Men and women should be aware they should ask, "Is this OK?" with any act they are about to engage in.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The way I see it, the mother of three is the 13-year-old girl left at home when her mother is at work. I understand that mom is doing her best to raise the family on her own by working two jobs. But this is not fair to the teenager. There is plenty of blame to go around here. Birth control is cheap and easily accessible by mom or the father(s)?
My bigger question is where are the father(s) in all of this? If the father(s) are deadbeats, I firmly believe that mom has the responsibility to bring them to court on her children's behalf. It takes two to tango but money to raise kids. Mom doing two jobs is commendable, but how much time does she have to spend with her kids to ensure that they are well raised and that they don't repeat the mistakes of their parents? -- Father of One, Winnipeg
Dear Father of One: It's very easy to judge people and you are a father of one, perhaps with a wife? Not all the fathers out there are responsible like you and willing to get involved in their children's lives.
It can be complicated and expensive for a mom to take people to court. If the father(s) don't have any money, there might not be much support to extract. Also, be aware birth control is not perfect and it is not cheap, and people sometimes don't put things on or use pills correctly.