Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You could, and should, charge woman with sex assault

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had the worst date of my life this weekend! I went out with a rather large woman who insisted she pick me up in her truck. She then insisted she pick the restaurant, and I wouldn't know where it was until we got there. The restaurant was expensive -- thank God I had my credit card because she expected me to pay. She ordered two bottles of wine with dinner and drank a bottle herself. I had two glasses and had to drive her home. I walked her to the door and got her inside safely and then she pulled me in the door and managed to push me down on the rug, demanding sex. She kept pawing at my pants trying to get them unbuckled. I finally seized an opportunity when she went to the bathroom and ran outside to call a cab with my cellphone. She turns my stomach and I still feel weirded out and upset. Is this what sexual assault feels like for a woman? -- Shocked, River Heights

Dear Shocked: That's somewhat how sexual assault feels -- only imagine she is bigger and much stronger and knows how to fight and/or use a weapon and she could have forced you into a sexual situation. While your male body may not have responded, she could still say a lot of nasty, demeaning things to you that you'd remember a long time. I'm sorry this happened to you. Talking to a counsellor would make sense after a traumatic experience like this. Friends can help you talk this out, too, but not the old-fashioned male kind who think every sexual opportunity for a guy should be welcomed and taken. You could charge this woman with assault and you should. She needs to be stopped.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Well, I think I may be in love with two people. I have always been pretty much heterosexual, but I met a woman a month ago who has stolen my heart. She and I have everything in common, and as women together, that is a lot. She and I are falling in love, though we haven't said the word. Unfortunately, I still have a long-term boyfriend I love historically, which really upsets her. I still need a little heterosexual man-woman relationship in my life or it feels like something is missing. Why can't she understand that it is she who has won my heart, and he's just for a little of the other kind of sex and friendship? -- Love Her the Most, Osborne Village

Dear Love Her The Most: Double-dealing is double dealing. Having sex with a guy does count as cheating for her. The three of you are all people, with hearts and minds and bodies and can't be defined (or discounted) by what kind of sex you can provide. So make your choice. You can't have two lovers if you're going to have a serious relationship with this woman you claim to love. Make up your mind fast.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy at a social and thought he was really great. He asked me for my phone number and I gave it to him. But, he has called two or three times a day ever since and I don't know what to do about it. I think there's something wrong with his head. I told him not to call anymore and he's calling even more often now. My roommates tell me to watch over my shoulder and I am. I guess a simple phone call can't hurt but after you tell somebody not to call, and they don't listen, what do you do? -- Acute Phone Harassment, Fort Garry

Dear Acute: Blocking the calls from the number he most often uses is a start. Sometimes that will be enough to stop a harasser. He can still call from other numbers, in which case you can change your own phone number and then he can't get through. Luckily he doesn't know where you live. What did he say he wanted, when you were still talking to him? You don't talk to him now, do you? Just hanging up is appropriate at this point. Call your phone company and the police, if blocking doesn't get rid of him.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 18, 2012 A12

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