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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
You could've warned them that you were leaving
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 18 and I was out at my parents' cottage last weekend with two buddies. A girl we met a girl on the beach, invited us to a "party" she was having later with some of her girlfriends at the cottage. We went at 11 p.m. with some beer and they were having a kind of pajama party (wearing skimpy stuff) and drinking tequila. I wanted to leave, but my buddies wanted to stay, and they ended up in bedrooms with girls. I didn't want to do that, and finally took the car back to my cottage, returning to get them next morning and finding them walking home on the road to my place. They slept on the hard floor. They were mad at me for taking off and said, "Some friend you are, leaving us there!" What was I supposed to do -- drag them out of the bedrooms to go home? -- Not Their Babysitter, Transcona
Dear Not a Babysitter: This kind of etiquette isn't written up in any books, so how should you know? The proper thing to do would have been to knock on the bedroom doors, and say loudly, "I'm leaving in five minutes, with or without you, to go back to my cottage for the night." If they're not on board the train in five, you go! At least they know it's their own fault they got left behind.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 48 and my man friend is 72. He can't have sex anymore, but I love him for the person he is. He has given me permission to get sex elsewhere. I feel badly because I already do have a side man whom I've been seeing secretly for sex. The only caveat is my older man wants, is to hear about what goes on in the bedroom with another man "so there are no secrets." What do you think? -- Feeling Weird, Weston
Dear Feeling Weird: That strange scenario would produce hurt and jealousy -- or perhaps it's meant to provide vicarious sex for your older man. Either way, it will not be good. The fairer, healthier way is to say to him: "Here's the deal I'm offering . . .you and I will have a relationship that's open. We can both see other people for whatever reasons, but we will be private about it."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have two children. They are great kids. This week, I got a rude shock when a woman came to our door just before dinner time with a small child and announced to me she had a baby from my husband six years ago, and she needed some money. The child was the spitting image of my husband -- same straight red hair and freckles and green eyes. She was dark-haired and fair-skinned like me, could have been my sister. I told her to go away. She waited outside our house in her car until my husband came home and she approached him. I was standing on the step, saying "She wouldn't go away! You have to talk to her." Our children are three and 18-months. He has never mentioned this previous relationship. I asked him what is going on, and he says "It happened before you, and I have to think." Please help me. I'm going crazy. --In the Dark, North End
Dear Dark: Legally, your husband owes parental support money if this is his son -- and it certainly appears to be. He needs to have the genetic testing done, even though things look obvious, just so he knows 100 per cent. Then he pays support money. And what about that little boy? If he is the child's father, and he is a decent dad to kids, he should have visitation. That would require you to be pleasant about it and not be the wicked stepmother. None of this is the boy's fault. You and you husband need professional relationship counselling now, as this secret has been a huge breach of trust -- unless he didn't know anything until this week on the lawn.
lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 19, 2012 G6
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Tell husband you're not talking to her... maybe tell him why
05/19/2013 1:00 AM 0DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm afraid to go back to our lake. Last year I had an affair with a woman ...
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