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You don't need to punch him; you need counselling with her

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I could have forgiven my wife for getting lonely and having anonymous sex with some guy she met in a bar, but she slept with a guy I know. He's not a friend, but he works with me at the store. She felt the burning need to confess this sin to me about a month ago, and now going to work is absolute hell. I just want to pile-drive him whenever I see him looking at me. Sometimes I think he's laughing at me. But, he seems real nervous around me the last week so I figure she might have warned him she's told me and he should watch his back. I know I shouldn't be asking this, but do you think the cops would look past one hard punch in the parking lot? It would make me feel a lot better and he knows he deserves it. -- Going Nuts at Work, Winnipeg

Dear Going Nuts: While assault is a crime, cheating is not. That means you could get charged and found guilty and he still gets away with "sleeping" with your wife. How about you take this up, in a serious way with your wife? Insist she go to relationship counselling with a view to resolving the problems between you or getting out. Warning: Don't tell her you want to fight him! There are a sub-section of women who think that two men fighting over them is a big feather in the cap. Is this the kind of woman you're with? Then you have nothing but pain ahead, unless you dump her on her feather.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm crying half the time because my kids won't talk to me. They are mad at me for cheating on their father and leaving our home. The boys live with their dad and he has inspired them to hate me with a passion. I think the youngest one would come around if I could talk to him, as there's a lot he doesn't know. For instance, their father would pick a fight and beat me up if he was drunk and the kids were at school. I formed a relationship with a tough, but sympathetic, loving man I knew from before, who knows my kids from hockey and likes them. I am happy with my new man and well-protected from my ex-husband, but I am longing for my children. Should I tell them the whole story or would that makes things worse? -- Bad Mommy, Elmwood

Dear Bad Mom: You can't make things worse. Hating their mother is a bad situation and it's killing them inside. Since they have no way of understanding why you left, they only see their father's hurt and anger. You might as well tell them the whole story. While you're at it, apologize for breaking up the family and leaving them with an angry, violent man. Tell them the door is open to come and live with you if they want to. They will refuse at first, but give it time. How would this new man feel about that? Time to find out.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Three doors down from me is a bunch of low-class rednecks, and their spawn, who are driving me crazy. Their boys are all teenagers who squeal around all night and they have loud parties and there's kids spilling out on the snow and beer bottles and roaches on the curbs. They keep us up late at three or four nights a week because the parents work nights with some company. My wife and I didn't want to call the cops because we don't want trouble with our neighbours. But the other day, my husband had a word with the oldest son about the noise, and he said, "F off old man, and mind your own business or you'll be sorry." What's next -- calling in the cops? These kids are tough and we are afraid of revenge. The neighbours right next to them complained last summer and they got all kinds of stuff thrown into their yard including a bag of excrement on their step. Please help. -- Redneck Trouble, Winnipeg

Dear Redneck Trouble: Three doors down is a long ways away to be suffering like this. Next time this gang is disturbing the peace with a roustabout in the front year, call the police and don't worry about reprisals -- any one of six neighbours could have made that call. Don't go over there in person, ever. Reasoning with unreasonable people is a waste of time. But doctors say daily upset with neighbours can cause high blood pressure and other stress-related problems, so you must do things to protect yourself. In the spring, build a grudge fence and get them out of your eyesight. Pyramidal cedars can block sound as well if you buy them big enough and plant them close enough. Just do your best to shut these people out completely. Anybody else out there got ideas to help with horrible neighbours? Please write in, and we'll publish best ideas in an upcoming column.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 6, 2012 0

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