DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a well-educated person, and my boyfriend only has Grade 11. I think he's even lying about that. We were intensely attracted to one another physically, and didn't miss the conversations we never had. Now the sexual heat has started to settle down, I'm shocked at his ignorance. He doesn't watch TV news or read the newspapers and immediately switches the radio in the car to music if news comes on. He shows shock on his face when people talk about something big that has happened in the city. Worst of all, friends have started to notice he is kind of a dumb-dumb. Actually he has basic intelligence, just no education, and seemingly no curiosity about the world. I hate to sound like this, but I've never had great sex like this before, especially with a guy who loves me. I don't want to give it up! Is it leading him on to keep seeing him for sex? I can't tell him why I'm dumping him, or he'd feel humiliated. Help! -- Ashamed to be Using Him, West End
Dear Ashamed: You need to set this man free as gently as you can. He's done nothing wrong and is innocently in love with you. Be happy for the gifts he has given you -- like finding out what great sex is like with a man who loves you. Just tell him that you're not feeling the love you should be feeling, and you're sorry but it's time to go. He can't argue with your lack of feelings. If he really pushes for a reason, and he may, tell him truthfully you need a man who's more educated. Those words will be hurtful, so don't elaborate. He may say. "Oh, so you think I'm dumb?" You can honestly say, "No I don't, but I think you need an education and a bigger interest in what's going on in the world."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent some time in jail when I was in my early 20s for a drug offence and I have never told my wife. Off the top, she said she was a homebody and she never wanted to travel because of fear of flying. Yay! I quickly said I had the same problem. Recently she has overcome that fear, and gone travelling with a girlfriend to Mexico this winter. I said I couldn't leave because of my work and fear of flight. The truth is I don't think I can go to the United States or maybe even fly over it. I don't want her to know her husband is a former jailbird. What do you suggest? -- Rock and a Hard Place, North End
Dear Rock: Tell your wife the truth. She may already know. Your going to jail as a young man would be known by quite a few people and may have slipped out at some family gathering. It's amazing how many secrets couples think they are keeping from each other. Before telling her, call Lucy Perillo at Pardon Services Winnipeg (204-453-0099) to find out your exact situation and what can be done for you. Even if you find the States are not open to you, you'll be able to travel without trouble to other places. Take your wife, if she's willing. And, if she wants to go with her girlfriends to a place you can't go, continue to be supportive of that.
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