DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a fool for one man in this world and only one, but he is not my husband. I wouldn't cheat with any other man, no matter how attractive, but all this particular man has to do is walk into the room and I melt and completely lose it. I desire him at a cellular level where each atom is dancing just for him. I crave his touch. I am on fire for him! He used to be the principal where I taught, but I changed schools because we had an affair and he got found out by his wife. I have recently ended up on a committee with him and now I am going crazy again every time we have a meeting. How do I stop myself when I know he is all too willing to go another round? -- On Fire, Winnipeg
Dear Fire: The only way to stop yourself is to remove the temptation, which means quitting the committee, but you're not likely to do that, are you? You may understand it's what you need to do mentally, but your eyes are already writing cheques which your body is ready to cash. Very strong animal attractions are hard to beat as they don't respond to reason. Over the lifetimes of passionate people, there is often one sexual attraction that is simply non-negotiable, and the only way to stay apart is to be a long way apart. It is not necessarily a love relationship; sometimes the hot lovers annoy each other something fierce -- until they kiss. Then nothing will stop them. Good luck.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is directed to Still Upset who is in a mixed-race relationship and endured a nasty racist remark at The Forks recently. I have been in this kind of relationship for the last four years, but it is me who is "White" and my partner is "Brown." Believe me, I have heard all comments and have seen all looks. The worst (coming from both races) are the unsaid reactions which include talking to only one of us while completely ignoring the other. But, some people are accepting of those differences. And being in a mixed race or mixed-culture relationship is wonderful as lines of communication are more open (they need to be!) so you are more emotionally intimate, you learn about other cultures and histories, and find out not all people of that "race" are the same. You acquire a new culture as your family, and learn new ways of looking at the world. A reply to a racist remark? Smile sweetly and say "Thank you for showing me I could always be as miserable as you are, ma'am." Their shocked expression will put a smile on YOUR face! -- Been There, Heard That, and Very Happy, Wpg.
Dear There:That's for taking the time to really explain the situation from the inside and offer an excellent retort. Too often we are so shocked by being insulted we can't think of anything smart to say until it's too late. Having a memorized line which you can fire out as a quick reaction is sometimes a good thing. But, it's not a good idea to stick around for a discussion as these people are not open-minded. Also, I wouldn't use the remark with more than one person, as aggressive people in a group can be dangerous.