You need to settle this struggle for dominance

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband went away for a couple weeks this summer with his workmates -- a mixed group doing research -- and came home a changed man. No more Mr. Nice Guy and no more laid back, "whatever-you-want dear" husband. He came back a dominant wannabe and it doesn't suit him. For the first time, he had been the boss of the whole project and he loved the power. Everybody jumped when he said jump. Now he's back home and the kids and I don't know what to make of him. They're jumping because he's bigger than them, but I'm just edgy, not knowing who it is I'm married to anymore. I was the boss before and it's almost like he's mimicking me, except it's not a joke. This behaviour reaches into the bedroom too and he is acting like he's dominant now. What should I do? I don't know how to react and I also want to remain the boss as before, as I'm naturally suited to it. He made stupid lists for all three of us Saturday of what we needed to get done "as a team" that day. I tore mine up in front of his face. -- Shocked and Stubborn, St. James

Dear Shocked: Is this to be a fight for dominance? Before you lock horns, at least get the issue out in the open and get the story from his experience with the research group. You might -- if you're both lucky -- have a laugh about it. The former doormat has stood up and demanded respect. Maybe it's time you shared the helm of this child-rearing ship and learned to switch roles back and forth in the bedroom. You appear to know all about sexual dominance. Are you wondering if he picked up the template from you or if there was another teacher out there on the research trail? Ship the kids off to grandma's or a close friend's for a night. You two need to have an honest conversation as much you need your next breath and this is not a conversation for kids to overhear.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to the the beach with my girlfriend on the weekend and she took her new bikini, bought the day before, right off to swim around nude. I thought if was cute and stood there in the water holding the little string straps for her so she could really be free. Then she swam over for a cuddle and I forgot myself and let go of the strings and the bikini bottom got away. The water was murky enough we couldn't see to the bottom. We looked for it a long time. In the end, I went out of the water and got a big towel and held it up at the water's edge and she had to come in to the shallows, stand up mostly naked, and run into the towel. I thought it was fun, to tell you the truth. But, she was really mad at me for losing a bikini that cost the best part of $100. Now she wants $80 for it because I let go of it. I don't have that kind of money. I'm living on minimum wage. The bikini problem seems petty but it has caused a big problem between us. Do you think I owe her money to replace it? -- Little Accident, Lake Winnipeg,

Dear Accident: Most women who swim nude out beyond the child's area, wrap the suit tightly around one wrist like a bracelet and it's their responsibility. You did agree to hold onto the new suit, but you accidentally messed up. How about you offer to split the cost of a new one, and give her the $40 divided in two payments, if necessary? If she's going to be tough about this and demand full payment when you haven't the money for it, this relationship is probably too new to weather the storm. By the way, you're working too close to broke at minimum wage, to enjoy dating life with dignity. The trick to working minimum wage is to get a job with tips -- like a waiter -- or commission, like a salesman.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out on a first date with a new guy I met at The Forks and the sex was terrible. It was over in three minutes. He claimed he was great in bed, but he wasn't. He wants me to give it a second try and he's really good-looking. Should I overlook the first time and give him another chance? -- Kind-Hearted Girl, 16.

Dear Kind-Hearted: It's not about being kind or not. You don't even know this guy. There's no basis for more sex here. If you think he's a great person, spend some time getting to know him and then you may have sex at some point, with some passion. But, to go back and give him a second chance at what amounts to a few minutes of exercise makes no sense. As you may be aware, NO birth control is foolproof yet. How would you like to get pregnant with him? It could happen.

Please email your problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 25, 2012 G9