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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You owe it to your friends to expose cheaters

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 02/21/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What do you do when two very good friends in your group of couples (all in their 30s) are having an affair with each other? Their mates are trusting and clueless and they have little kids. When I see the wronged friends, I feel guilty for not telling. When I see the guilty friends who are getting together in a serious sexual relationship (I know this 100-per-cent for sure) I feel angry and powerless! I feel like I should do something, but what? The tension in our group is thick, and now I understand why. -- Stressed- Out Friend, Winnipeg

Dear Stressed: You owe it to close friends to tell them they are being cheated on, once you know it's true. That's a courageous act of true friendship. It may even lose you the innocent friends, if they are looking the other way, but that's the risk you take. I once had this experience. A friend asked me how serious I was about my boyfriend and I told her the latest, "He's talking about wanting to get engaged to me." And she said, "Then I must tell you this." She told me as much as she knew about the romance behind my back, plus the woman's name. I knew her -- had even introduced them. I broke down crying in the restaurant, threw money on the table and ran to his place to confront him. Everything my friend said was true. Not surprisingly, she was scared I was mad at her for telling me when I ran away. I was just in turmoil. She and I are still friends to this day and I will be eternally grateful. If you tell, all four people will be upset -- and the cheaters will blast you for not minding your own business. Put up with it, for the greater good. In the end, you are a better friend than all the others who are watching this happen, whispering about it, and encouraging the affair to go on by protecting the cheaters.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a young woman who is just starting to find her way in life. I'm excited for the future but there is always this dilemma holding me back. I seem to have a constant internal struggle between being single or having a relationship. It annoys me to no end that I have this fear of not being happy and single but I know I shouldn't look for a relationship to make me happy. I WANT to be independent, but I'm scared to be alone. As soon as I find a man who is interested in me, I bee-line it there. It feels like I'm not looking for a "special someone," just a "someone." Do you have any suggestions for me to be happy AND single? -- Inner War, Winnipeg

Dear Inner War: Being single requires that you get your needs met for closeness, friendship and fun, by more than just one person -- the boyfriend. Smart single women have a lot of well-tended friendships with women and men, both. They have a group of service people they know to help with the car, household, heavy lifting. They have a great security system, and loving pets, and a life full of learning and hobbies. They tend to join groups. Instead of running alone, they run in a group. Instead of Sunday dinner alones, they make a habit of having friends and family over. For their sexual needs they have toys and sometimes a casual sex buddy. They seize upon single time with no babies and responsibilities to travel and have adventures and they throw great parties and dance until dawn. if you start seeing the benefits and don't see it as a situation of being alone, you will be much more able to resist grabbing on to unsuitable guys.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 21, 2012 D4

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