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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
You probably ignored clues
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: After catching my boyfriend of six months at a nightclub with his new secret girlfriend, she said things that revealed he'd been two-timing me for at least two months. I was a wreck. I couldn't sleep that night, so I wrote a short story to explain the dramatic night when I found out. Writing it down really helped. The relationship is over. I thought I established an honesty policy in that relationship. There were so many lies it makes me sick. What can I do in the future to avoid such a disaster? My intuition told me something was off, but I had no idea it was a full-fledged other relationship! I'm glad I found out the truth. I'm glad the other girl found out, too. In the end, everyone is actually hurt. Keeping a collection of partners (boyfriends or girlfriends) is only recommended to those who openly practise polyamory or the like. -- Craving Honesty, Winnipeg
Dear Craving: Writing is good therapy, along with this exercise. Explore the all-important "my intuition told me something was off" statement by closing your eyes and doing a re-run of your relationship. Start with the day you met and stop at any points where something felt odd or wrong. You'll probably discover there were several times when the stories didn't jibe, he sounded insincere, he was missing in action for a period of time, had a peculiar mark on him, or smelled different. This guy was not being careful and he let other people know by taking Girlfriend No. 2 out to a public place. You looked the other way, but hopefully you'll trust your senses next time.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, I did it. I slapped my girlfriend, but she slapped me first and in front of a bunch of people. We were at a cottage-closing party on the weekend. She slapped me real hard after I told her she was "turning into a drunk." Reflexively, I slapped her (medium-hard) right back. Now her girlfriends are telling her I'm abusive and never to see me again. My slap was only a natural reaction after being pounded across the face. The whole thing was over in a fraction of a minute -- her slap, my slap. Then I left and drove back to Winnipeg alone. Apparently she got lots of sympathy and coaching from her girlfriends after I left. I do love her, but my friends say I should never see her again. What do you think? -- Mixed Up, North End
Dear Mixed Up: Run from this firecracker. The two of you, as a fiery couple, could end up in a lot of trouble with each other and the law. She may hit you whenever she's angry, thinking it's nothing because she's a woman. And since (you say) she's a drinker, her inhibitions will fly right out the window when she's hitting the booze. And then, if you hit her back "reflexively" (you have proved this can happen) you will probably be the one who ends up getting into trouble with the law, because you're a guy. She's more liable to report you for assault than you are to report her, am I right? It's not fair, but it's reality. So, put your fists away, and head in the opposite direction.
lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 22, 2012 G6
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