Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got married late in life. I love my young wife dearly, but I simply can't get a good sleep beside her. I know there are many people who can't sleep well with someone. For me, it is imperative I get a good night's sleep. I am a professional with big responsibilities and I need my sleep every night. I don't want to vacate the master bedroom, but what else can I do? I used to go home from her place every night to sleep for this reason, but now we share a home. What do other new couples do? I lie awake listening to her breathing and the hours drag by. -- Desperate to Adapt, Winnipeg
Dear Desperate: If simple awareness of another person is the problem, a king-size bed and a fan is usually the answer. The fan has to be loud enough, though. An enthusiastic window air conditioner will do a great job in the summer.
If movement is the problem, get two queen-size beds and put them just apart from each other and visit each other's beds to have sex. Then flip over to your own when she falls to sleep. Or buy one of those expensive beds where you each control your side of the bed and movement doesn't transfer.
It could also be psychological. You are used to having a sexual bed, and then you'd go home to sleep in your own sleep-only bed. If sexual desire from looking at her in the bed is the problem, try to have sex together just before it's time to sleep, so the desire is lessened.
Teas like chamomile will make you dozy, but check the ingredients and read up about them online. Try not to abandon your bride for another room, as it makes for a cooler marriage, hurt feelings, and resentment.
P.S. Do lots of cuddling outside of the bedroom.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm writing about the letter from Sympathy or No Comments. I've known many people over the years who have struggled with infertility and these comments. Also, it's not all right to comment on when a couple chooses to have more children. We are expecting our fourth and have been subject to much well-meaning razzing and commentary.
It's still painful, and frankly it makes us hesitant to share what should be a joyful time. -- No One's Business But Ours, Winnipeg
Dear No One's Business: Let me wish you great happiness. I come from a family of four kids -- an even number -- and it was great for buddying up when we were younger.
As for the people who make fun of you, some of them are not having sex much any more and it's clear you two are active. There could be some envy involved.
If you're supremely put off by a comment, cheerfully say: "This is a great event for us. How about you start sharing in our happiness?"
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