Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You won't reconcile, but get counselling anyway

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife just found out I have a sex buddy. No wonder! She doesn't give me enough loving for a dog to live on -- maybe once on Sunday night, if I'm lucky. The surprising part? She moved her stuff into the other bedroom and seemed almost relieved, even happy. I asked my best buddy why she would be OK with it. He said. "Wake up, man. She must have a sex buddy herself." Long story short, we set up a sting. She says she goes to the gym Monday to Saturday evenings. My friend was right, she wasn't going to any gym. I had his truck and followed her right over to an apartment near that gym. I waited until she came out an hour-and-a-half later, grabbed her outside her car, and said, "Caught." She started bawling and said, "Don't hit me!" I didn't. Instead, I cried like a girl for some reason. Then she confessed she's had the affair going a long time, she loves the guy -- her old boyfriend -- and she wants to be back with him. We don't have kids or a house, but she says we should still have some counselling. Why? -- Confused Guy, Wpg.

Dear Confused: Reconciliation isn't in the cards when she's in love with a guy she loved before -- and maybe never stopped loving. But counselling to end a marriage situation is as valuable as counselling to save it. You can get past the petty bickering, voice your regrets, apologize for the hurt caused on both sides and attain a kind of peace. You won't be nearly as angry and bitter as most couples are when they part. And let's talk turkey. You already have a playmate on the side to distract you. Don't spend a lot of money on counselling, but go at least once or twice.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I play in a rock band and have long hair, which my girlfriend likes to pull when we're having sex. She pulls it hard and makes me yelp. What is wrong with her? She's always so sweet with me and everyone. What is she taking out on me, or is there some kind of thrill I can't understand that goes with hurting me? She says she doesn't mean anything by it. You don't hurt anybody for nothing, unless you get kicks out of it, right? -- Sore Scalp, Winnipeg

Dear Sore: Repressed anger will find a way to work itself to the surface, and sugary-sweet people often have a lot of anger festering inside. Most of us give off steam in little bursts, but anyone who's a "yes person" and makes a practice of holding her tongue will find passive-aggressive ways of getting even.

Is she angry because you're away at night playing in bands with chicks lusting after your long rocker hair? Do you neglect her? Are you tired after gigs and don't make much effort in bed? Is she suspicious of what you do with girls in the clubs? These are common complaints from women with musicians for lovers, and there are many others.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 25, 2013 C4

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