Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Your sex drive is normal, your boyfriend is not

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 23 and in love with sex. I want it all the time. My boyfriend says I am oversexed and to leave him alone unless he initiates it. I have no experience with anyone else since I was a virgin when I met him, but he only wants sex every second night and I want it two to three times a day. Is there something wrong with me as he suggests when he says hurtful things? Last night he said, "You're turning into a nymphomaniac." I know that word and was very hurt. Please advise me what to do. -- Not a Nympho, St. Boniface

Dear Not a Nympho: You're with the wrong young man. There are lots of guys your age who like to make love in the morning and at night and sometimes in between. Some can have sex twice in a row, given a 15-minute break. If you want the extra loving, then you need to move on from this guy who is calling you names to try to put out your flames. Staying with him is not good for your self-esteem, and anyone who is a name-caller is bad news, as it doesn't stop at one nasty name and is a way to verbally beat you down. Mental cruelty is not something anyone should knowingly get involved with, so say bye-bye to this guy ASAP.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After nearly six years together, my boyfriend visited me one day at work and broke up with me. He said we were "not on the same page" any more. I knew things hadn't been going well, and I felt the same way, so it was not such a big surprise. I was, however, taken aback that he chose to do this at my work.

About three weeks later, I had a skiing accident and broke my arm. Over the past 10 years or so I had three other significant relationships, lasting between one to three years each. As soon as word about my accident got out -- I posted it to Facebook -- one of my exes called me from Puerto Vallarta, where he was vacationing, to wish me well. Another one messaged me with sympathy and well wishes, and another took the time to call. This is relevant because my recent ex-boyfriend has still yet to be heard from. I could understand if our breakup had not been amicable and agreeable to both of us, but it was -- there was no arguing, yelling or throwing things.

I'm hurt and confused. I don't want him back, but is a kind word or expression of concern unfair of me to wish for? And for the record, none of the others called with any hopes of reconciliation or ulterior motives, just kind and compassionate well wishes. -- Still Hurting, Downtown

Dear Hurting: When someone has been very special to you and things are broken off without dramatics, it makes sense that both people would still care enough to at least express some sympathy if something bad happened. It doesn't give the wrong idea. It is not an "excuse call" to get the other back.

In your case, this guy came to your place of work to dump you, showing he lacks emotional courage. He chose a public place to break up with you, guaranteeing you couldn't make a fuss. He didn't want to see your tears and knew he could spare himself. By not getting in touch with you over your broken arm, he also spared himself the worry that you might misinterpret the call.

"Spared himself" are the key words with this guy. Don't go running over to his place with tea and sympathy if you hear he hits a rough patch.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 15, 2014 C4

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