Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Your whining helped push wife into boss's arms

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm bleeding right from the heart. My wife has left me for my boss, a jerk she knows I despise. Yes, he is good-looking, but I can't for the life of me understand why she would choose him after all I told her about him. I complained about him so much that she had a few drinks, accosted him at the Christmas party and told him off. Apparently, he enjoyed her spitfire personality so much they ended up starting an affair shortly after. Now she is leaving me and taking the dogs. I just feel like she ripped out my heart and took the "children" too. I won't have much money to feed them now. I took her clothes outside and threw them in the backyard. Now she says her family is coming to move her out, because I can't be trusted. I'm not going to do anything worse than that, for God's sake! At least I didn't light her clothes on fire, which she deserves after what she did to me. How do I get over being betrayed like this? I phoned the secretary at work I'd never be back to that hell hole and to send the last cheque by courier. Why would she love that jerk, and not me? She says I'm a whiner and a coward, but it was a bad situation. I thought she understood. -- Hurting So Bad, North Kildonan

Dear Hurting: Some people confuse love with pity. They feel that if their mates give them sympathy and continually say, "Oh you poor thing" that they're showing affection. At first that might be true, but then the sympathy turns to pity and, in some cases, a desire to run far away. It's draining to be around a complainer who doesn't do anything about the situation. This boss guy may be a jerk, but he and your ex have fire in common. Next time you get into a bad situation, either stand up to that bully, or quickly and quietly look for a better job elsewhere and remove yourself from the situation. This doesn't excuse your wife from the cruel choice she made. If she wanted out of the marriage, she should have said so a long time ago. If she wanted a new man, she should have made any other choice than this guy. Unfortunately, when fiery people who feel a big physical attraction get together, there often isn't much thought process going on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just want to say to the dad who contacted his 12-year-old daughter through Facebook that she probably blocked him because he is only now getting in touch with her. I was also abandoned by parents, and I can tell you that all the reasons and excuses in the world do not adequately explain no contact for 12 years! A dad should do whatever it takes to see his kids, no matter how "crazy" mom is, if he actually cares, or more importantly because the mom is crazy and he wants to offer positive influence. A kid will see that she wasn't important enough to fight for. He didn't want to be around the mom? Well, sorry guy, but that probably means nothing to the kid because she isn't her mother. And calling her mother crazy, is only more damage to the self-esteem -- something I'm sure no 12-year-old girl needs. Sounds like the father is just curious to me. -- Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: Thanks for your input. The most concerning part about the letter from the dad was his desire to have the girl taken off and raised with his children and his new wife, when she and her mom had been together all those years in another province. You don't usually move far away from the other parent without a reason. Small wonder he was blocked.

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 19, 2013 C4

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