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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
You're drawn to the prestige, not the person
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just ran into an old boyfriend in St. Vital Centre. I got rid of him 10 years ago when we were in our 20s because he was so immature and just a blue-collar worker. Imagine my surprise when he told me he took my breakup lecture to heart, went back to school and became a doctor. When I got in my car and the shock worse off, I was finding myself re-attracted to this man. That night I called his mom, got his number and phoned him. He answered. I asked him if was single and he said yes. But when I asked him if he'd like to go out to dinner, he said, "I told you that I took your breakup lecture to heart. What I didn't tell you was that you broke my heart and I would never go out with you again. You only think I'm attractive now because I'm successful." Of all the nerve! That's not true. I was attracted because he is all that I thought he could be, and refused to be at the time. -- Taken Aback, St. Vital
Dear Taken Aback: It's not complicated. He was mean because you were mean to him and broke his heart. People may get past painful burnings of the soul, but they remember who burned them. As for his snarky doctor comment, he might be right. Doctors have a lot of prestige and you are turned on by prestige. Whatever he was doing as for work as a young man wasn't impressive enough to keep you around. Why would he want you back in his life now to reap the benefits of his change in status? By the way, how much status have you achieved on your own?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Regarding the letter about the lady standing in the yard, peering in the window -- although it may seem odd, we had a similar incident. We were outside one summer day, doing yard work, when a lady drove by, staring at the house. She stopped and told us that when she was little, she lived in our house and it was the happiest time of her life, before they moved and things got bad between her mom and dad, who eventually divorced. We invited her inside to look around and she got all choked up. I think it gave her some kind of closure. We never saw her again. That was a couple of years ago. If the letter writer sees the lady again, I recommend she invite her in; I bet that would be the end of it. It may even be the end of it now that she peeked inside. -- Feeling For Her, Winnipeg
Dear Feeling: Going back into a house that once contained all your things and your pictures and your memories feels strange when it is totally different. When it is filled up with a whole different "story," it can give you closure or it can give you a feeling of loss and sadness. Sometimes it's best not to go in. Hopefully, the old lady's stolen peek through the window gave her just enough to let her heart rest. She isn't a danger. It's time for that new family to open those curtain again and carry on.
Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 2, 2013 G5
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