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You're tempting fate by being a part-timer

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What the heck does my wife want? I work nights, can't help it, that's the way she hangs. I'm permanently on the midnight to morning shift, bringing home major bacon. My wife, who's 29, works the day shift at a minimum-wage job. This means we have one day a week when we can spend time together. To be honest, that's enough for me because she can be a regular pain in the butt. On Sundays I take her out shopping, not for food but for expensive clothes to wear. I also take her for a fancy lunch, buy some good wine and a couple of steaks and make her a barbecue dinner. Not finished yet. Then I take her to bed for two hours where I make her real happy at least twice or three times, She says that only counts as one time, because it all happened in one day. I say she's getting "loved" two to three times a week, which I read is the Canadian national average. Don't want to divorce like my parents did. -- Stuck on Night Shift, North End

Dear Stuck: The best situation develops when the two of you wrangle things so you can both be on the same shift. But it's clear you like the justifiable exit of having to work at night while she works the day shift. There's something in it for you to stay on graveyard -- she bugs you. But you're tempting fate. A one day per week average love life leaves a lot of time for a woman to get restless, and one day of sex doesn't cut it at your age. Two to three times a week is the average for couples 30s to 50s. Since you likely work about eight hours and so does your wife, there are still a number of hours daily when you're both awake and could be going out for dinner or making love. It's not all working and sleeping time. How about waking up to the fact that you could lose this marriage by exiting six days a week? Are you not more fond of sex than that? Are you fonder of entertaining yourself? Do you watch porn when she's away? This is a full-time marriage and you promised to be a great husband at that altar. Keep your promise or she'll get a second lover/husband.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 15 and just started back to high school. I thought it was going to be a good year but it's turning out bad because a bully from my elementary school in another neighbourhood has turned up at my new school. He doesn't know very many people yet, and he is acting like he wants to be my friend. I can't stand him and don't want him anywhere near me. I'm afraid if I refuse to be his friend he will pick on me once he gets some buddies here. He is smaller than me now and maybe I could take him in a fight, but I'm not tough and I don't like to fight. What should I do? -- Forced to Be His Friend? Winnipeg.

Dear Forced: No, you don't have to be his pal. This is a new start with him -- so just be civil, but distant. You don't have to suck up at all, but you do need to get feeling stronger so you can look down on bullies and know you can defend yourself well and give them something to think about! You have the natural height advantage. Now give yourself some strength through martial arts. Think how great it would be if you were never scared again. Think of his appearance on the scene -- in his new form -- alone and smaller as reminder that you need to get fit and be able to defend yourself, for life. Research different types of martial arts, and find the one that suits you and then approach your parents about it. You might need a part-time job to pay for it yourself, but there's nothing wrong with that either at 15.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 18, 2012 D4

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