DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Why do men these days run from any intimacy that isn't sexual! (Never mind commitment, which doesn't seem to exist!) My husband and I divorced because we were not connecting as lovers for a long time. We are in our mid-30s and wanted more out of love. My ex-husband, still my friend, has no trouble finding women who want commitment, but I can't find men who want anything more than fun. I'm actually considered way more attractive than my husband is, but the men I meet run away after a few dates and no sex. They just seem to want one thing -- and they want it for free. Why am I having no luck? -- Yummy Mummy, Winnipeg
Dear Mummy: If your kids are still with you at home, you might appear to be a busy and expensive package. Also, lots of single-again men have their own children and are not willing to take on more, no matter how yummy the mummy is. Others lost a lot of their money and property in a recent divorce and are smarting. On top of that, thousands of women are available for flirting and dates online, so they guys don't want to cut the numbers of women they're meeting. People learn lessons from being burned -- and sometimes they learn the wrong thing. Instead of trying a second time with a more suitable partner, they don't want to try commitment and marriage ever again.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read the letter from Single Too Long, Tuxedo. The person says. "Men are not that easy to find when you are older." It works the same for men. I felt sorry for this lady who was embarrassed by her date, the doctor, who didn't bother to dress up for the dinner out. I know how I would have dressed and it would be very appropriate when taking a date out for dinner. I was wondering if you could contact the "Single Too Long" and tell her there is a man, 59, who would like to take her to dinner and make sure she has a fun evening. I will not wear jeans -- or anything close to it. I'm enclosing my email. -- Looking for a Lady, East Kildonan
Dear Looking: That's a lovely offer you have made, but for security reason (on both sides) I can't set people up, even if they seem like the nicest folks in the world. The best and safest thing I can do is point them toward places they can meet singles as friends and decide if they want to date on their own. For instance, at Adventures for Successful Singles (204-775-3484), people meet to do organized sports, arts and social activities as friends, then make up their own minds if they want to take things further. Matchmakers in town such as Singles Today (204-452-8092) and Camelot Introductions (204-888-1529) do lengthy interviews and screen people who are looking for serious relationships and marriage. Customers pay for a number of introductions to people they think hold potential for a relationship.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just wanted to comment on your response to the letter from the woman who had miscarried her ex-boyfriend's child. It's clear she is grieving the loss of her baby. She seemed to be surprised by how upset she was about the loss and was horribly hurt by her new guy's lack of respect for the fact she lost a child.... When my husband and I suffered the loss of our first baby due to miscarriage, we were surprised at how badly it hurt. Even though we now have three little children running around our house, we still consider ourselves to be the parents of four. The baby we lost was just as much a child of ours -- and a blessing -- even though we never had the chance to hold him or her in our arms. It sounds like the writer of the letter needs to connect with others who have suffered a miscarriage and to possibly seek counselling to help her understand her new identity as a bereaved parent. The Compassionate Friends (204-787-4896) would be a good support group for her.
Dear Wanting To Help: People who are grieving for a lost child of any age can check out The Compassionate Friends at tcfcanada.net.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.