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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

He survived plane crash, lost battle with guilt

By: Brad Oswald

Posted: 10/10/2009 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

AT the time, it was nothing more than an off-the-cuff observation. Later it just seemed creepy.

After a session during last summer's TV press tour in L.A. featuring DJ AM to promote his series Gone Too Far -- I remarked to a colleague, "That's a guy who seems like he's carrying a great weight."

TVPreview

Gone Too Far

Featuring Adam Goldstein (DJ AM)

Monday at 9 p.m.

MTV

The celebrity dance-club deejay, whose real name was Adam Goldstein, had spent the last half-hour speaking about his long struggle with drugs and alcohol, his 11 years in recovery and the lingering guilt he grappled with for having been one of two survivors of a 2008 plane crash that killed four others.

He talked about being a guy who understood the urge to take drugs, and how the perspective of having been there and survived that was crucial to the new MTV reality show's effort to help young addicts confront their demons.

"The only thing that ever worked for me is when a recovering addict tried to help me...," Goldstein said.

"So the one thing I offer these kids is a connection of, 'I know exactly what it's like to have that craving that you just cannot stop. I know what it's like to feel like I'm never going to be able to live a sober life, like I'm going to lose all my friends,...' And, you know, usually within five minutes of connecting with them, there's something that us addicts and alcoholics have in common that we can kind of just bond."

One month later, Goldstein was found dead in his Manhattan apartment, the victim of an accidental drug overdose. After weeks of deliberation, MTV decided to go ahead with airing Gone Too Far (which premieres Monday at 9 p.m. on MTV Canada before moving to its regular Thursday 9 p.m. timeslot on Oct. 22).

The eight-episode series follows Goldstein as he attempts to serve as a bridge between young addicts in crisis and the help they so desperately need. After viewing self-shot video of the addicts -- some of it quite graphic -- he meets with them and their families and friends and offers first-hand advice and encouragement. His obvious dedication to helping others makes his drug-related death seem even more tragic.

Friends said the guilt he felt after surviving the crash sent him back into the darkness he thought he'd escaped.

"There's no reason why I should have lived, or I lived and they didn't," he said during the July interview. "And it's something that I struggle with every day, you know, kind of wondering. But I've just realized that I'm never really going to know. I'm alive, and I'm here, and I have another chance. So I have to do something better with my life this time."

brad.oswald@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 10, 2009 C11

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