Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Count your blessings -- things

Could always be worse! A song

By Pitbull could play...

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

The devil's in the

Details -- an odd thing to say

About a melon

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Why did you open

Up that can of worms? It was

Clearly labelled "worms"

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

An apple a day

Is a less-good bribe for your

Teacher than you think

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

Kids these days have strange

Ideas, like putting an

End to Lottery

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Nothing you can say

Will change my mind -- except, of

Course, chanting mind-spells

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Listen closely: You

Can't go around cutting off

Heads (without money)

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

I hate to tell you

But nobody respects your

Culture, were-frog king

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

"Serial killing

Just isn't cool! Stay in school

Kids!" -- well, problem solved

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Just take it day by

Day to keep not knowing who

Shia LaBeouf is

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

This "cutting Bieber

Into strips for quick eating"

Fad has gone too far

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

After many long

Years and much study, we'll learn

Who let the dogs out

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 27, 2014 C2

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