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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Pert essay collection opens bedroom door

Reviewed by: Kendra Gaede

Posted: 01/18/2009 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

Behind the Bedroom Door

Edited by Paula Derrow

Random House, 334 pages, $28

In the era of so-called Third Wave feminism, a lot of women still face the same struggle that their mothers and grandmothers did: the true test of just how equal we women have really become -- "Do I deserve oral sex every time? And if not, how often?"

Some might think that statement is crude. But this just goes to prove how uncomfortable we all still are about discussing women's sexuality and sexual needs.

How often do you have sex? How often do you orgasm? What positions do you like? Do you discuss this with your friends?

It could be argued that oral sex is the next frontier for the women's movement after earlier campaigns for temperance, suffrage, equal rights for equal pay and abortion.

Just for the record, sex toy parties do not a feminist movement make, in the same way that pink T-shirts saying "Girl Power!" don't really empower young girls to have better self-esteem in today's anorexia-driven image culture.

And yet, almost 10 years into the 21st century, women's thoughts on sex are not exactly coffee klatch conversation.

Maybe they should be. Discussion normalizes things. We connect when we share personal fears, fantasies and sheer needs.

That's the premise of Behind the Bedroom Door: Getting it, giving it, loving it, missing it. The book is a pert collection of essays, sometimes funny, sometimes poignant, and written by some of today's most articulate American women writers aged thirtysomething to octogenarian.

Not every modern woman wants the same thing in the bedroom as every other modern woman, apparently.

What's interesting is the rich geologic cross-section this book provides, showing sedimentation of old thoughts, erosions of others and the emergence of undiscovered riches following seismic life events.

The book is a smorgasbord of fresh and engaging topics, with essays that explore infidelity, indifference, lesbianism, rape, depression and a communal sense of longing for something we're not sure about.

Particular essays stick out as favourites. The Sweetest Sex I Never Had by Hope Edelman is a tender tale of love and the sexual stirrings of a teenager who is also facing the death of a parent.

Procreational Sex by Brett Paesel is a humorous commentary about scientific efforts to conquer aging reproductive systems and how the old-fashioned way seems to work best anyway.

One of the most compelling essays is The Overnight by Susanna Sonnenberg. It is a story of sexual desperation in the wake of a distressing breakup.

The goal of Behind the Bedroom Door is not to set a sexual-politics mandate, but to create a discourse that will encourage other women to think about their own sexual politics.

What we're handed by editor Paula Derrow and others is not crystal clarity, but more definition in the darkness behind the door.

Flip on the light already, and take a look around.

Kendra Gaede is a Winnipeg writer.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 18, 2009 D5

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