Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year, at 31, the best relationship of my life ended abruptly. A few months ago I started contact with an out-of-town man I met through a common interest. After a couple of months, we finally met in person, and wouldn’t you know it, my heart skipped a beat. It went well. Communication had tapered a little prior to that, but I ignored it.
Shortly after, I had a martini too many and hit on him pretty hard, suggesting a friends-with-benefits scenario (since I’m not ready for a relationship right now). He hasn’t been as kind or warm since. Basically, I’m grateful he taught me I could still get butterflies and wouldn’t stay broken forever. If I don’t sever ties now, I don’t know how to stop being interested and be satisfied with just friendship. What do I owe him for explanation? — Rejection Stings, Winnipeg
Dear Rejection: Guys have feelings too, and you may have stamped on his. You thought he was sexy, so you offered him an on-again/off-again deal with no romance. What made you think he’d like an offer that implied you’d like to use him?
You also had evidence beforehand he was losing interest, so write him a short, sweet note, thank him for the butterflies and the healing, and tell him you need to move on. He’s already turned off, so this is not going to hurt him much, but it’s the polite thing to do, and you are Canadian, after all.
As for messing around with guys when you don’t want a relationship, enough of that. Drag your heart into counselling, get it repaired, and go after a real relationship with romance, friendship and sex that means something other than physical release.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ears ache like crazy from the kind of music my boyfriend likes: hard, screaming industrial rock, and also what I call devil music, turned up to full volume. I swear I’m going deaf in my left ear. Is that even possible at 25? He refuses to turn it down or get his ears tested. We fight about it all the time. — The Party Pooper, St. James
Dear Pooper: Your new headgear needs to be industrial earplugs. You can most certainly go deaf at a young age. You need a hearing test with an audiologist (not just a computer test) for yourself and for your boyfriend, if you can drag him along. Should you have had some hearing loss already, imagine what his must be like. He won’t co-operate? Then ask yourself this: do you want to continue down the scary road to deafness for both you and him?
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