Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

óè

Give your possessions

Away to the first person

Who suggested this

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

óè

Due to inflation

The best things in life now cost

Thousands of dollars

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

óè

Your fortune will change

For the better once you bribe

Your constellation

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

óè

Worship the ancient

God Zeus -- that might finally

Get him off my couch

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

óè

Naming your cat "Dog"

Was clever, but naming your

Child "Rat" just seems cruel

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

óè

You lack talent and

Skill -- so were born in the right

Cultural decade

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

óè

It's not too early

To start thinking about how

To blackmail Santa

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

óè

You want your screenplay

To sell? Well, the plot makes sense--

That's your first problem

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

óè

Life would be a lot

Easier if you gave up

Drinking with panthers

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

óè

The last thing the world

Needs is your novel about

Vampire novelists

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

óè

On second thought I

Am copyrighting the "Vamp-

Novelist" concept

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

óè

Sorry, if I take

Time to predict your future

My hourly rate dips

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 22, 2012 C2

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