Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

The perfect New Year's

Resolution is to break

Your resolutions

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

"Why not slip me a

Fin, daddy-o?" You are a

Master of street slang

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

By this point, all of

Your "Mayan apocalypse"

Cards should have been played

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Don't get too nervous

But Justin Bieber might show

Unannounced, to fight

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

The coldest winter

Is not as cold as the heart

Of a spurned wombat

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

An incredible

Future awaits you, in which

Horoscopes won't lie

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Life would be a lot

Easier if there were some

Sort of "pause button"

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Anxiety is

Not your friend, although it has

Known you the longest

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Your "Justin Beaver"

Joke will never get old, nor

Any less funny

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Try not to lose the

Holiday spirit before

You steal its powers

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

I'm too hungry to

Predict your future, but will

Predict that chicken's

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

I'm not sure if that

New Year's Baby is supposed

To be mugging you

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 27, 2012 ??65534

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