Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Eating fish WAS good

For your health, before the fish

Found out where you live

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

The "terrible twos"

Doesn't refer to those twins

Trying to kill you

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

The worst thing you could

Do right now is agitate

The second cobra

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

The demon that gave

You career advice thought you

Had great potential

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

Even the coldest

Day will be warmed by the fires

Of apocalypse

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Nostrodamus once

Predicted that no one would

Believe his nonsense

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

At least one evening

Per week, make time to listen

To the ghost's demands

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

You will know you drank

Too much coffee when you're told

This by the devil

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Your bean problems don't

Amount to a hill of beans

In this crazy world

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

You need to shrink your

Belly, and the best way is

Clearly a shrink ray

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Contemporary

Art makes more sense

when you know

It means to harm you

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Though it seems real to

You, hallucination best

Explains Winnipeg

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 7, 2013 A1

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