Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Finance advisors

Say: always pay off credit

Cards and mean warlocks

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

As technology

Advances, you will rely

On it more for love

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Greatly increase your

Chance of winning lotteries

With unicorn hooves

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Your pickup lines won't

Work on that rock God made that

He cannot pick up

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

No one knows why the

Stars care about your future

Or why you think this

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

The next big thing will

Be vampire novels about

Korean pop stars

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Life's funny sometimes

But sadly not during your

Comedy routine

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Don't overthink things

And just dive into the pool

Of man-eating sharks

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Don't panic, but the

World will end briefly while the

Matrix gets updates

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Start a business where

You design an app that makes

Other apps look good

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

If you can't take the

Heat, then I am sorry that

I set you on fire

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Is "Party in the

USA" still a hit? I

Just learned about it

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 11, 2013 C2

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