Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

óè

I advised you NOT

To rub those cheese graters on

Your face... I give up

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

óè

Science will one day

Invent a cake you can eat

And also still have

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

óè

Your blog about how

You think 50 Cent sucks will

Be your undoing

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

óè

Don't worry about

That bird wiring explosives

To you -- just a bird!

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

óè

Rubbing honey all

Over your body will make

You more "bear-friendly"

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

óè

Most wildfires result

From mere carelessness -- others

From weird mind powers

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

óè

You need to take a

Stand and fight for your right to

Not have to party

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

óè

Don't give up on your

Dream to become some sort of

Octopus-wombat

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

óè

Don't get discouraged

Because a warlock stole your

Courage with a spell

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

óè

Capricorns can be

Loyal friends and make very

Good targets for fraud

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

óè

You've got to keep your

Wits about you in this world

Run by robot wolves

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

óè

I'm teaching a class

On fleecing suckers with... I

Mean, astrology

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 18, 2013 C2

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