Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

I still can't figure

Out why you filled your petting

Zoo with porcupines

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Dracula wants to

Rent your spare room -- frankly, I

Don't see the down side

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You can "talk feelings"

Or you can play some Slayer

I know what I'd choose

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A messy desk means

A messy head -- clean out your

Skull, then tackle desk

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

You are paranoid:

The assassin just wants to

Kill you, not rob you

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

I know music gets

You "pumped up" but it won't help

You fix that flat tire

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

The answer to your

Many problems is simple:

Solving your problems

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Being a werewolf

Sounds good, but does it scale? Work

On your business plan

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Try not to get too

Caught up in the daily rat

Race, since you're a mouse

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Aliens will land

In your backyard shortly, so

Make banana bread

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Those wise ravens that

You get your advice from? Turns

Out they're just big crows

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Your investments should

Be more diverse than a big

Bag of poison snakes

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 25, 2013 C2

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