Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

óè

Directions to my

Party? Turn right at the tree

Then into the gorge

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

óè

Growing old can be

Hard, so I recommend that

You get immortal

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

óè

I just saw a dude

That was at least 50 and

Listening to Drake

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

óè

"Check yourself before

You wreck yourself" -- Sigmund Freud,

The "Hey, you!" essay

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

óè

Crossword puzzles are

A great way to keep your mind

Actively hating

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

óè

Words of wisdom: when

Someone says "words of wisdom"

You can then tune out

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

óè

Get your holiday

Shopping done early, since you

Have one week to live

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

óè

28 thousand

Is a small price to pay for

Some meaningless trash

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

óè

The next time you feel

You aren't appreciated

Remember: you aren't

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

óè

They'll be sorry they

Laughed at you and your clown hat

And floppy sneakers

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

óè

Biology's not

Your subject, so stop going

To biology

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

óè

I regret to in

Form you that "inform" is one

Word and I cheated

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 26, 2013 C2

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