Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

It seems that you have

Multiple talents -- and all

Of them annoying

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

The book you wrote was

A real page-turner -- I turned

Them all really fast

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Do not let the cold

Get to you -- that's part of its

Plan to steal your heart

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Frosty the Snowman

Was a golem -- sponsored by

The Learning Channel

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

Decorating for

The holidays? Don't forget

The subtle insults

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Through a strange case of

Mistaken identity,

Someone will like you

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

The wisdom of the

Ages can be summed up in

Two words: Be careful!

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Times are tough -- even

My pet woodchuck is on the

Lookout for a job

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Ever wonder how

Much wood a woodchuck could chuck?

(Please hire my woodchuck)

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Capricorn, although

It may sound strange, do not grow

Corn in your capris

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Sometimes you win, and

Sometimes you lose -- I just won

By betting you'd lose

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

How does Santa see

All those houses in one night?

Ancient Aliens!

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 12, 2013 C2

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