Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Why don't you go shoe

Shopping! (Before the world ends

In a zombie war)

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You're using Facebook

Wrong -- it's supposed to increase

Your number of friends

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Trepanation might

Be for you! You like really

Stupid nonsense, right?

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Wearing pants will soon

Become a crime, so enjoy

It while you still can

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

If you really want

Somebody to love, then stop

Belting out that song

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Don't let emotion

Rule your life -- that is the job

Of the vampire king

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Hammer party! Yes

It was a bad idea

And will soon get worse

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

You must work hard to

Overcome your wealth and your

Good looks to be loved

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Your plan to conquer

The world just needs one last thing:

Any way to work

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Let your heart guide you...

But also, download a map

App onto your phone

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Mad hatters have a

Bad rap -- they need the help of

Your PR magic

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Nobody could have

Predicted that Tuesday would

Have followed Monday

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 20, 2014 C2

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