Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

This is a good week

To entertain friends -- before

You lose all of them

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

This week might be too

Much of a good thing, that thing

Being candy-ghosts

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Seal that business deal

That you made with a harp seal

With some fish tacos

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A gaggle of geese

Is advancing as I write

This -- remember me...

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

Now is the time for

Big ideas about how

To avoid prison

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Invite the whole gang

Over for a gang war, and

Afterwards, bowling

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Burton Cummings needs

Your help -- he somehow misplaced

His classic moustache

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Carefully study

The Situation before

You become his bride

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Soon, scientists will

Announce a breakthrough when they

Classify Snooki

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Your health will improve

On a new diet of the

Souls of your victims

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Do your best to get

Along with your family

Using dark magic

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

If something seems too

Good to be true, confirm it's

Not a unicorn

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 29, 2014 c2

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