Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Singing that "Wild Thing"

Song won't make that rabid wolf

Stop eating your face

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

"Used Underwear -- Free"

Um, not the best headline for

Your Kijiji post

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Take up swimming -- it

Will help prolong your life by

Moving you from sharks

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Think positive and

Take advantage of the change

The brain leeches caused

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

You don't need more stress

In your life, so kindly say

"No" to the dragon

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Have you ever been

Somebody else? Your witness

Protection is blown

 

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

A beautiful ring

Is the perfect gift for your

New lover, Gollum

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

I don't want to brag

But it only took me 12

Hours to write all these

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Don't be afraid of

Trying new things, like new forms

Of self-delusion

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

I told you to stay

Away from Copperhead Road!

What were you thinking?

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

The neighbour's cat will

Rue the day you fell in love

With the neighbour's cat

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Some days you just need

To sleep in, eat a long lunch

And destroy the Earth

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 28, 2014 C2

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