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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Let ex go, cherish your new sobriety
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was dating a man for two years when I had all my drug and alcohol problems and he put up with all my crap. He was always there for me, especially when I went through rehab. Once I got clean and sober, he started distancing himself. Why? His greatest wish for me was that I could find the guts to stand on my own two feet. Everything is good except now he only wants to see me every once in awhile. I think I want to be single now, but I have such a bond with my ex who went through so much for me. -- Sober and Confused, Downtown
Dear Downtown: Your ex may be a co-dependent -- a person who needs to be in the position of helping someone, occupying all his time and energy and making him feel like a hero and all-important. The good news is you have arrived at normal and healthy. The bad news is he still needs a project to make himself feel important. It's time for you to let him drift away, cherishing the friendship you had over the years, but knowing you need to find a guy who has no need to save somebody. The last thing you need to do is become addicted again, so your ex will want to be tight with you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My divorced dad is a great dad, but kind of innocent. He has a new girlfriend who is younger and a bit creepy. She gives me looks like lesbians do. I am 18, but I have been at the bar with ID for two years, so I have experience. How do I tell my dad that she's checking me out in this way when he's out of the room -- and has even invited me out to the bar. I said no. He's crazy about her. -- Sad to Disappoint Him, South End
Dear Sad: Say something like, "Dad, I don't want to upset you, but please watch how your girlfriend is looking at me. She's always staring at my body, especially when you're out of the room. I can feel it. She's also asked me out to the bar." That way, you put your dad on notice. Once he gets over the shock, he'll start watching for this behaviour. Divorced parents need to know if their new relationship partners are secretly eyeballing their kids.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 11, 2012 D5
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