Face the music, such as it is

VANCOUVER — Back in 2004, when 20th Century Fox had to promote the sci-fi shlockfest Alien vs. Predator, an enterprising copy writer came up with the tagline "Whoever wins, we lose."

For anyone watching the 99th Grey Cup today, either on TSN or in the flesh at BC Place, this may very well describe the entertainment at halftime, when the Canada’s most popular and reviled rock band takes the stage.

Nickelback, for some strange and wonderful reason, has reached the apex of its worldwide infamy. This is perplexing, even to critics who’ve dismissed the band’s mid-tempo, formulaic rock music for years.

Back in August, when Free Press music writer Rob Williams and I penned an open letter to Gary Bettman, begging the NHL commissioner not to allow Nickelback to sully the return of our beloved Jets, neither of us had any idea how far the undercurrent of antipathy toward this band extended.

Our sardonic little missive went viral, but had nothing on what followed: An online petition with more 55,000 signatures, pleading for the NFL to prevent Nickelback from performing in Detroit last Thursday at the halftime show during the traditional U.S. Thanksgiving Day game between the Lions and the Green Bay Packers. The online petition, like all petitions, had no effect whatsoever. Nickelback played the halftime show, received a smattering of applause and then appeared on George Stroumboulopoulos’s talk show later that day to dismiss the movement against the band as a mischievous effort launched by a friend of a jealous Detroit musician.

The band’s bitterness was surprising, given singer Chad Kroeger’s likable performance in a Funny Or Die webisode that found the band making fun of its own unpopularity.

But as Nickelback’s devoted fans point out, the pride of Hanna, Alta., is in fact immensely popular among the people who matter — the record-buying public.

Over the course of 16 years, Nickelback has sold more than 50 million of what the recording industry calls units, including more than 250,000 copies of their recently released seventh album, Here and Now.

As well, some critics who do not have any special affinity for the band feel the music snobs of the world are ganging up on what see they as a rare commodity — a popular Canadian cultural export.

On Thursday, the editors of Maclean’s went so far as to suggest there’s something untoward about being ashamed of Nickelback’s Canadian heritage.

"It is a view so vicious it borders on cruel. And it’s just plain wrong," they wrote.

Then on Saturday in the Ottawa Citizen, rock historian Alan Cross praised Nickelback’s "role in music’s ecosystem" as one of the few rock bands who can be counted on to sell albums, thus financing the work of lesser-known and presumably more creative recording acts.

These arguments in defence of Nickelback are valid. So is the maxim that critics have the right to express distaste for any artist, as long as they try not to insult the fans.

But after spending the vast majority of my adult life writing about music, I would caution Nickelback’s defenders not to descend into the murky waters of esthetic relativism, where all opinions on any form of art or cultural product are considered equal.

While many music critics can be churlish, the vast majority take their diminishing craft seriously. The loathing associated with critically reviled bands over the years — Boston, Kansas, Styx, Foreigner, Starship, Poison, New Kids On The Block, Collective Soul and Nickelback among them — doesn’t come from a jealous or hateful place, but an idealistic belief that popular recording artists should strive to do better.

Critics of all sorts are idealists. They want the world to be a better place. And when they compare the actual world with their idealistic fantasy, the gulf between the two becomes depressing. And that’s why critics can seem so cynical and mean-spirited, when in fact, they have nothing but good intentions.

In fact, there’s almost something altruistic about being the jerk who’s willing to call the proverbial spade a spade in an effort to improve a situation, be it political, economic or cultural.

In 2010, in what now seems like an early essay on Nickelback’s status as the world’s most reviled rock band, Mark Lepage came to a similar conclusion in the Montreal Gazette when he determined critics will not back down in the face of public pressure.

"So call it elitism. Call it envy, or enlightened snobbery. But frankly, like Nickelback themselves, those who denounce and mock them will stick to their popguns," wrote Lepage.

"Nickelback will keep blasting the nosebleed seats with rehabbed riffs, and its enemies will thumb through their thesauri for the perfectly witty adjective that most demeans their efforts. And in your heart, you know we’re right."

With that in mind, we can all enjoy today’s Grey Cup halftime show in all its cheesy, pyrotechnic glory. It’s not like the show has a history of fantastic programming.

Previous Grey Cup performers include the likes of Luba, Dan Hill, Celine Dion, Sass Jordan, Trooper and Theory of a Deadman.

In other words, it could be far, far worse.